Sunday, 4 July 2010

Sorry, more ranting.

(Lots of fuck this and fuck thats - you have been warned)

Seishinteki ni yowai...

Can't think of a good translation - mentally weak? is the direct translation.

Hub decided he is surrounded by 'mentally weak' people... meaning Shou and me....

Shou - for getting in a tiz because the frog he was trying to catch jumped under the deck.

Me - because my mum has a brain tumor and I got all upset about it and because I can't separate that from my being a mother here and now.

I've decided I live with a complete fuckwit.

OK, so that was this morning anyway. We are now fine and having a drink in front of Sunday night TV.

I lost it a bit this morning - I guess it was the result of yesterday and a whole nother night to think about mum and get upset.  This is some of the happy banter passed between myself and hub this morning.

Hub: why are you in such a foul mood?
GW: don't know
Hub: well, fuckin snap out of it, it's not even 7am. Today is going to be a long bloody day.
Gw: actually, I'm upset about mum (snivel snivel)
Hub: well, you don't need to get all sad about it now in front of the kids.
GW: I know, but it's just kind of built up and fuckin hit me like a hard something hitting me over the head.
Hub: You shouldn't be getting upset about that when you have life here now to be living (sorry, crap translation)
GW: Fuck darling. Mum's got a fuckin brain tumor. This time we go home might be the last time I get to spend time with her and you're 'telling me off' for getting all cry girlie. Fuck you. (sob sob - really crying now) All I want is for you to understand - to try and understand a bit more.
Hub: I do understand. My dad died of cancer remember.
GW: I know and it's fuckin terrible but you could see him every bloody day if you wanted. You didn't live on the other side of the damn world with three small children so don't fuckin tell me it's the same.
Hub: it was your choice to stay in Japan and get married. You shouldn't have married me. Why don't you go home.
GW: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck (leave room to go have howl in room)
Hub: Jesus Christ (OK, so he so didn't say anything remotely like that but the sentiment was the same) why am I surrounded by 'mentally weak' people?

.... happy banter.... happy banter....

GW: I don't want you to tell me to piss off back to NZ every time we have a bloody argument. All I want is for you to come and give me a damn hug and say that everything will be OK and that you understand - even if it won't and even if you don't.
Hub: (giving me a hug) shhhh, shhhhh, (or rather yossssshhhh yosssshhhhhh) I'm sorry about your mum. I know it must be hard. It's going to be OK. Don't cry.

Suitcase packing avoided for another day.

I don't even really know what started me off this morning. Could have been Granny K. Stupid cow. Marina was running round in her green tutu and Shou was outside pushing the cat round the garden in Marina's pram. Granny K was out on the deck watching Shou. The cat, after doing a stellar effort and staying in there for a good 45 seconds, jumped out. Shou tried to catch her and put her back in but she wasn't having any of that and took off. Shou wanted someone to go get her. Granny K tried to talk reason and Shou just packed a tiz. In the end Granny K pulls out the 'shiran' (don't know, don't care) line.

This line infuriates me to no end. Hub uses it to. For fucks sake. The boy is 4. You can't just say you don't care and then fuck off.

That and Granny K pulling out, this morning, that she had to go and buy a new mobile phone TODAY. I started getting all girlie emotional - Granny K heard it all and decided that she didn't need the phone today and then promptly took off out for four hours.

Hub took Shou and Marina to the park and Ryu and I had some down time while I got 'mentally stronger'.

This afternoon I went to drop off the photo frame to the friends with the new house -that they moved into yesterday and Friday. When I was a CIR I worked with the hub and his wife I got to know because she started at the office a few years after me, I went to their wedding and she is in the baby and small children dept ( has some sort of certification) and so always saw her at the vaccinations and the likes. While she was on maternity leave with each of her three children we would see each other about once a month for coffee.

She's lovely. Very nice. I made the comment about how hard it must have been sorting out all the new house stuff, three pre school children and working full time. She admitted that she had been on leave from work for the last two weeks and had a mild case of depression which she went to the doctors for and got some drugs to help her sleep and the likes.

I shouldn't have said anything to hub. He asked how they were and what office she was in now and commented that he hadn't seen her much lately to which I replied that she was taking a break from work.  He started speculating as to 'physical' reasons why she was away - was she pregnant rah rah. I should have shut up and let him speculate but it's a small town and wrong speculation goes round like wild fire. I said she was probably just stressed from everything.

Hub called her weak as well - which got me fuckin angry and I felt I had a point to make on behalf of all us 'mentally weak' women. He doesn't seem to think working full time, raising three kids (as the mother) and organizing a new house is sufficient for needing some down time. After all, the husband does the same - it is so not the fuckin same though. She went to the doctors and the doctor told her not to beat her self up about it and that a lot of women come to him. Hub, he just thinks she should pull her head in and get on with it and that clinical depression is being 'zeitaku' - a luxury that normal people can't afford. How nice to have a doctors note to stay home from work.

He then said that what I had on my plate was worse and 'more worthy' of getting self sucked down the big dark hole of depression.

Well hub, aren't you one lucky bastard having such a 'mentally strong' wife.  A mother with cancer, living with mother in law, three small children, part time work, housewife shit and putting up with your pathetic lying ass and I agree- It's a fuckin miracle I'm nice to you at all.

And fuck right off if you think you're getting a shag tonight.

I'd rather cut the fucker off and feed your balls to the cat.



Bryn said...

Damn GW, you just can't catch a break! (((Massive, gigantic hugs))) Stupid, insensitive prick hub! Stop shoving your stupid, macho, fat head up your stupid, macho ass!

At least he came around in the end, giving you the hug we can only offer in parentheses! Really hope your week gets better from here!

fifi Kida said...

I wish I could join that group hug.

Japanese men can be real twats sometimes. I have had the mentally weak nonsense from my husband a few times too, although in really minor things in comparison - he says Im weak when I break diets after a day and such. And when he is being an asshole and I end up crying into the washing machine.

Jesus we should introduce our husbands to each other.. sometimes when you are writing I wonder If perhaps my husband is leading some double life with the gaijin in Oita..

Hope tomorrow is a better day :D

Chrysanthemum Mum said...

Jeez, what a day, what a prick. Japanese men just don't get it at all. I'm guessing your hub is a bit like mine in that he has no experience of living in a foreign country, and so will never understand just how stressful it can be. Lots of my friends with Japanese hubs all have the "English speaking lived in a foreign country when I was a student" kind of Japanese husband and I think it makes a HUGE difference. I know my hub will never understand how it feels to feel soo far away from family and people who really understand you. I had a meltdown tonight and was reduced to tears through sheer exhaustion of trying to deal with a 4yr old. Hub chooses to ignore the fact that his wife is crying - not so much of a "pull yourself together, woman!" Just completely ignored my feelings.

You are a wonderful strong woman and a fantastic mother. You don't need an insensitive prick telling you otherwise.

thefukases said...

mentally weak my ass. (I know that's the donkey kind of ass but that's the extent of my pathetic swearing...) Leave him home with the three kids next time Granny K's away for the night and see who's mentally weak, huh? ;P

Gaijin Wife said...

Thanks Bryn. Hub has gone to work today after putting the rubbish out and washing the dishes, so head only stuck halfway up own ass. I am glad I got the hug from him but I wish I didn't have to fuckin spell it out for him overtime. H.U.G.

Fifi - group hug. Squeeze. Thanks. I think if we introduced our husbands they would perhaps get all high and mighty and start some sort of we have gaijin wives and have to put up with so much shit from them club. think better plan would be to ditch them for a weekend, drink wine, and bitch about them.

CM - yes, hub is like yours. He had to apply for a passport when we went back to NZ for our wedding party. He has spent a grand total of 21 days out of Japan - over three separate trips. And thank you for saying am wonderful strong woman - hurrah for bloggy friends to help pick me up.

Heather - good plan. now If I could just get Granny K to fuck off for a night. I inquired into her annual night away with her brothers and sisters but not happening this year as all getting too old. Although there is a 'houji' coming up for her dad - 33 years I think. Perhaps she'll stay at the family temple then, although only ten minutes away so probably not. And even if she did I imagine hub will be expected to put in an appearance too, in which case I will be left with three kids by myself.

Corinne said...

Jesus, there must have been some kind of "be an arse to my gaijin wife" chemical in the J-water yesterday, Ryota was being an absolute twat last night too! Hopefully he gives big apologies when he thinks about his actions! Feel better, you'rre doing an amazing job!!