Friday, 23 July 2010

Catastrophe Avoided

Hub had a major meltdown this morning....

We were all up by 6 and doing the normal stuff. I took Marina's temperature - or rather gave her the thermometer. The kids at their kinder learn to take their own temperature before they can walk me thinks. It was nearly 38 so I decided that OK, would take her to doctors as her middle of the night cough seems to have picked up a bit lately too.

Once I had decided I was going to do the trip to the clinic I got into action - really need to leave the house by half seven to get seen by the doctor any time before ten (on a normal day at least - not like yesterday when was freakishly empty). All of a sudden I have a list of things going round and round in my head about what needs to happen for us to get out the door that fast. I usually take the kids to kinder around that time anyway but with a road trip of an hour each way with Marina and Ryu I need to get more shit together. I also am thinking right, washing needs to done and hung out before  I leave or else it wont happen till lunch time. All that little shit that I swear to god never even register for men. Hub just thinks that because I haven't got a translation on at the moment and because I haven't got specific plans for the morning then everything is OK.

It is OK. I am and did take her to the doctors but that doesn't mean I don't think about all this shit - and unfortunately I usually think about this shit out loud and in the same tone of voice I am using in my head.

Right, fuck it is there any more washing anywhere, machine needs to go on RIGHT NOW.
Shou, don't throw your spoon at the cat bring it to me, WITH your yoghurt pottle so I can wash it RIGHT NOW.
Ryuuuuuuuu, Ryuuuuuuuuuuuu. Where the fuck's the baby.
Oh there you are, playing with a can of fly spray in Granny's room. Awesome.

Now men don't need to get verbal diarrhoea. They can say it all in their heads - or rather they don't because this kind of trivial shit like putting the washing machine on, saving the cat from being decapitated by an anpanman spoon and wondering where the baby is, doesn't even cross their minds.

So, hub is listening to me going on for a good forty minutes and then he loses it - big time. We have quite a lot of arguments but rarely does he get really really angry - shaking and eyes popping out of head angry. But he did this morning.

He let it rip. He sees him taking Shou to kinder as helping me - and that I should be eternally grateful. I see it as helping me because I have to leave to take Marina to the doctors and while I could drop Shou off on the way it makes more sense for hub to take him. I don't think I should be eternally grateful. It's not like it makes hub late for work.

He sees my not asking Granny K to look after Ryu for three plus hours so I can just take Marina is me being selfish?? I see it as not using her for something that isn't a big deal. The Marina and Ryu combination is the easiest combination out of the three kids. Taking Ryu with us isn't going to make life that much harder. It would make Granny K's a lot harder leaving him with her for that long when all she has on the brain at the moment is beans beans and planting more beans. Hub thinks that because he suggested I ask Granny K, and because I said I was fine taking them both, that that is me being selfish and making everything revolve around me.

Shou was in the middle of taking his temperature (have to write it in his notebook every day during pool swimming season) when hub said right Shou, let's go and practically pulled him out the door. I protested that it was already the third time Shou was taking it (he kept moving round and getting errors on the thermometer) and that he only need to wait another thirty seconds. He sees this as again me thinking only about me and not him who is the one taking Shou to kinder. I don't even get this. I tried to explain that when I go pick Shou up today I will be the one that the teachers talk to about having his temperature written down.

Frustration, frustration. I can't even really try and reason with him when he is that angry. I get upset and, while I held off on the tears,  I get pissed off that I can't say what I want to how I want to. Talking, shouting or screaming to him in English at these times only makes matters worse.

Anyhoo, he took Shou and Marina, Ryu and I went to the doctors. Got some stronger drugs this time and stopped to get some meat for curry tonight and didn't make it home till half eleven. Lunch and bed - Ryu is asleep now and Marina hopefully on her way.

I sucked it up and sent an apology email to hub during his lunch break...

subject: Sorry
message: 今朝のことごめんなさい。たしかに自分中心でやって行こうとする時は多すぎる。もうちょっと家族皆のことを考えてやって行きます。Hubが毎日一生懸命働いて、機嫌悪い奥さんが待っている家に帰って大変やろうと分かってます。もうちょっと機嫌のいい奥さん、ママでいますように頑張ります(ハートマーク)
Sorry about this morning, There are definitely too many times when I do focus on me more than anyone else. I will sort my shit out and try and think more about you lot in the future. I understand that it must be hard for you, working hard everyday to bring home the bacon and having to come home to a bitchy wife. I'll try harder to not be such a bitchy wife and mummy. (Heart emoticon)

Something must have worked cause I just got back a reply...

subject: RE: sorry
message: ゴメン、僕も言い過ぎましたm(__)m。これからもよろしくsorry, I was a bit out of line too. Let's sort it out and work harder at happy families and shag lots - OK so it didn't say that exactly but it did have a moving picto-dude blowing a kiss.

I don't think the mornings argument was particularly my fault but I can see that he would be getting a bit fucked off at all my whinging - which wasn't really directed at anyone in particular. I really need to stop thinking out loud all the time. So anyway, catastrophe avoided. Time to stop being in a strop all the time.

And in other news - I have just deactivated my Facebook account. Spending far too much time on the computer and something had to give. Don't want it to be the blog so it had to be FB. I am giving myself a 40 minute a day computer limit.

Right, Marina is downstairs now after obviously not getting to sleep. This will mean she is asleep by half six - and completely uncooperative for the two hours before that!



Megan said...

yay thats good he sent a nice message back :) hope the rest of the day was better x

Fifi Kida said...

Good about the nice message, bad about the morning.

Jesus Christ ... the men in this country eh? No doubt if you had asked Granny K he would have said you were lazy and after a free holiday with only one kid... grrrrr

Hope the promised beer and shags follow tonight ...

Adam W said...

Damn. I thought I was gonna learn the Japanese word for shag.

Woah, my Kanji needs work.

world of sekimachihato said...

heck, what a tough day.
we all have them if it makes any difference. the cool thing is though that you both kinda made up (via the keitei) and i'm sure he will be a happier man when he gets home tonite.
thought your message was very heatfelt and mature too!

and god, did you have as much trouble as me trting to delete your fb account? watch out, i can guarantee that you will be getting an email from fb soon saying your accound was "re-activated".

Midori said...

I did wonder why my FB friend count had gone down. Was trying to work out who had de-friended me!! :-)
Over-use of FB was one of the reasons I have now banned myself from accessing it from work. Course that just means I now just spend more time reading people's blogs on quiet days!!
Glad you and hub sorted it out. I don't think you are being too 自分中心at all. I think the reality is that when you are trying to balance the kids, childcare and working it can get a bit much at time and you just don't have time to think about the other person/people involved, you just want to get it sorted!! :-)
Have a good weekend xx

Chysanthemum Mum said...

Jeez, the men in this country indeed!! This post all sounded soo familiar. I vocalise what I am thinking too - perhaps because I know hub isn't thinking about all the mundane domestic things that need to get done to keep the house running smoothly. Great email and so nice that you got a positive (albeit shorter)response.

tj-injapan said...

ditto with DH here- I reckon we have the exact same argument every time we try to leave the house. My favourite at our house is when he starts watering the freakin' plants or something just as we are about to load the car with the kids.aaaarrrggghhhh.

Sorry to hear that Marina is a bit sick - hope she gets well soon.

Must ring you during the week, havent chatted for ages (and sorry for never commenting)

Hope sunday (tomorrow) is sane, or as sane as can be with the whole clan there.