Can someone send me some tequila. I need a couple of shots myself and the rest I plan on pouring over the bitch I have to share my house with and setting her on fire.
The day didn't start out so bad. In fact it was quite good. The kids went to kindy rather peacefully and then Ryu went down and napped for THREE hours - which meant could get all the house stuff done and half of translation quota for today. I have learnt not to set myself too big a quota if possible as it really stresses me out if I can't get it done and then I have double to do the next day - which usually means one of the kids will decide to vomit all night and need to be taken to the doctors.
Ryu and I and that woman that lives in that heinously messy room off our corridor, went to the supermarket in the next town over after he woke up. I needed to buy baby formula and the likes and it seriously costs 500 yen more to buy it in Kunimi - may as well spend that 500 yen on petrol and go to a better supermarket. Unfortunately driving with Granny K isn't a 'fun' experience. She will never by Thelma to my Louise.
She insists on sitting next to Ryu which is only favorable in that it means she isn't sitting next to me. It's not a five minute drive away. If Ryu is getting sleepy, like he was on the way back, she goes through her entire repertoire of embarrassing vestling make baby laugh shit - and it never works. Why? Cause the baby is tired and he would probably fall asleep if you stopped trying to feed him custard cream bread (yes, I know you think you did it on the sly because I didn't actually turn back but hey - that's what revision mirrors are for) and croaking like a frog to that 'kaeru no uta ga' song. If you are going to croak then do it properly and I'll organize the funeral - quite happily.
Couldn't start being a bitch this early on in the day though as I needed her to look after Ryu for my hour lesson at the school. Ryu ended up sleeping the whole time I was gone and in fact until 4pm. I don't want to say that he has been sleeping soooooo well lately so I wont. I didn't just say that did I? No. Good.
Went to pick the kids up from kindy and told myself that it was Friday and I was going to be super fun mummy - on speed. And I was, for all of about half an hour and then the fact that menace and mayhem continued to run round outside in the rain, without shoes on AND swinging the cat by the tail (or trying to at least) and super fun mummy on speed departs and 'why the fuck wont you listen to me' mummy steps up to bat.
I can't remember what bad mummy tactics I had to enforce to get them inside but inside they came. I think they even ate all their dinner - albeit taking a very long and painful 45 minutes. Ryu got fed at five so he is just getting shittier and shittier. Granny K is never on hand at this time. She does the Ryu out of the bath thing and then buggers off.
Dinner plates cleared away and Shou and Marina have half a Popsicle each in front of the TV - I see my five minute glimmer of opportunity so Ryu and I dash to the bath. Ryu is starkers and so I am. I am just about to close the bathroom door when I hear the two rugrats fighting - quite seriously. I throw on my Hugh Hefner dressing gown and go to referee. Marina has hit her chin and is in tears. Howling. Granny K comes to investigate and I ask if she could please sit with the two of them for five minutes while I wash Ryu. She says nothing to me but just takes Marina by the hand and goes back to her room and locks the door.
THIS IS SO NOT HELPING.
She comes back two minutes later with a whole packet of highchu chewy lollies. Shou of course wants them. I impart onto Granny K that I don't think it right to be giving her a whole lot of lollies at this time of night - especially if she is then going to let her come out and eat them in front of Shou. Granny K said that Marina wanted the whole packet and got all stroppy when Granny K just tried to give her one. That's when I lost it. Marina is two woman. You can't let her boss you around. They need lessons. Lessons that are consistent. Granny K said something along the lines of how the children act like they do because I am always on at them. And so I lost it again.
'I'm sick of people telling me (Granny and Hub) I am crap and need to be all flowers and fuckin sunshine to the kids when I am the one that does the brunt of the looking after (minus of course the teachers at kindy). I try I really. I am all nice and calm but after about ten times I can just feel my self start to overheat, and then it's an inevitable explosion which most of the time is me yelling at them. A smack if it's something dangerous or they push me over the edge. If Ryu happens to be grizzling or I am naked and trying to get him in the bath when above happens then it is usually worse.
I don't need Granny K giving me advice. I don't need the whole 'hub's late and says he is working or doing union stuff but what if the sneaky fucker is actually at pachinko' seed that he has sewn in the back of my head.
I also hate having to try and cover bits of flummy and what not up when trying to sort kids out and Granny K is on the scene.
Hub has just come home - 8pm - earlier than I thought. He could tell by the steam evaporating off the top of my head that I wasn't shagadellic mummy tonight. He made the mistake of asking why I was so pissed off!!! Has anyone got a husband who, upon seeing that their beloved wife is visibly upset, gives them a hug?
Anyway, this was our conversation...
hub: why are you so pissed off?
GW: The kids. I am really getting to my limit.
hub: what a stupid thing to say. They are your own kids. Shouganai.
GW: That wasn't really what I meant. I meant getting to my limit of doing the evenings almost entirely on my own. Do you know that I had to chase Shou and Marina practically naked (them and me). They went off on a rampage outside. In the rain. With no shoes on. And Marina had no pants on. Shou then tried to swing the cat round his head like a lasso.
hub: You're the one that wanted to keep the cat.
GW: Did you bring any beer home?
GW: fuck it. Haven't you got esp. Give me your car keys then.
Hub: you going to get some?
GW: No darling, I'm going on a horny housewives shoot, what the fuck do you think I'm doing?
GW: Christ, you smell like a chimney.
Hub: was the bloke beside me at the union thing.
Fuck it, did I mention I need some tequila. Well, now I need two bottles. One for GK and one for Hub. I don't even like to Tequila so the chances are that it WILL all get put to good use as a fire starter. Send me gin and I may just squiff it all back and pass out for a few days.
God, that sounds like a good idea.
Now, just as soon as I finish this translation.
Oh - and in-between about paragraph three and four of this post Shou pissed all over the toilet floor. No attempt whatsoever to lift up the seat. He had wet pants and trousers too so the chances are he just couldn't hold on but he then went and, despite my asking him not to, stand in his own pee and then run down the corridor - laughing like a hysterical hyena. Thank god Ryu didn't wake up.
Hey, on second thoughts, flag the tequila.
I think I just need the gin.