Friday, 25 June 2010

Tequila pleeeeeeeeease

Can someone send me some tequila. I need a couple of shots myself and the rest I plan on pouring over the bitch I have to share my house with and setting her on fire.


The day didn't start out so bad. In fact it was quite good. The kids went to kindy rather peacefully and then Ryu went down and napped for THREE hours - which meant could get all the house stuff done and half of translation quota for today. I have learnt not to set myself too big a quota if possible as it really stresses me out if I can't get it done and then I have double to do the next day - which usually means one of the kids will decide to vomit all night and need to be taken to the doctors.

Ryu and I and that woman that lives in that heinously messy room off our corridor, went to the supermarket in the next town over after he woke up. I needed to buy baby formula and the likes and it seriously costs 500 yen more to buy it in Kunimi - may as well spend that 500 yen on petrol and go to a better supermarket. Unfortunately driving with Granny K isn't a 'fun' experience. She will never by Thelma to my Louise.

She insists on sitting next to Ryu which is only favorable in that it means she isn't sitting next to me. It's not a five minute drive away. If Ryu is getting sleepy, like he was on the way back, she goes through her entire repertoire of embarrassing vestling make baby laugh shit - and it never works. Why? Cause the baby is tired and he would probably fall asleep if you stopped trying to feed him custard cream bread (yes, I know you think you did it on the sly because I didn't actually turn back but hey - that's what revision mirrors are for) and croaking like a frog to that 'kaeru no uta ga' song. If you are going to croak then do it properly and I'll organize the funeral - quite happily.

Couldn't start being a bitch this early on in the day though as I needed her to look after Ryu for my hour lesson at the school. Ryu ended up sleeping the whole time I was gone and in fact until 4pm. I don't want to say that he has been sleeping soooooo well lately so I wont. I didn't just say that did I? No. Good.

Went to pick the kids up from kindy and told myself that it was Friday and I was going to be super fun mummy - on speed. And I was, for all of about half an hour and then the fact that menace and mayhem continued to run round outside in the rain, without shoes on AND swinging the cat by the tail (or trying to at least) and super fun mummy on speed departs and 'why the fuck wont you listen to me' mummy steps up to bat.

I can't remember what bad mummy tactics I had to enforce to get them inside but inside they came. I think they even ate all their dinner - albeit taking a very long and painful 45 minutes. Ryu got fed at five so he is just getting shittier and shittier. Granny K is never on hand at this time. She does the Ryu out of the bath thing and then buggers off.

Dinner plates cleared away and Shou and Marina have half a Popsicle each in front of the TV - I see my five minute glimmer of opportunity so Ryu and I dash to the bath. Ryu is starkers and so I am. I am just about to close the bathroom door when I hear the two rugrats fighting - quite seriously. I throw on my Hugh Hefner dressing gown and go to referee. Marina has hit her chin and is in tears. Howling. Granny K comes to investigate and I ask if she could please sit with the two of them for five minutes while I wash Ryu. She says nothing to me but just takes Marina by the hand and goes back to her room and locks the door.


She comes back two minutes later with a whole packet of highchu chewy lollies. Shou of course wants them. I impart onto Granny K that I don't think it right to be giving her a whole lot of lollies at this time of night - especially if she is then going to let her come out and eat them in front of Shou. Granny K said that Marina wanted the whole packet and got all stroppy when Granny K just tried to give her one.  That's when I lost it. Marina is two woman. You can't let her boss you around. They need lessons. Lessons that are consistent.  Granny K said something along the lines of how the children act like they do because I am always on at them. And so I lost it again.

'I'm sick of people telling me (Granny and Hub) I am crap and need to be all flowers and fuckin sunshine to the kids when I am the one that does the brunt of the looking after (minus of course the teachers at kindy). I try I really. I am all nice and calm but after about ten times I can just feel my self start to overheat, and then it's an inevitable explosion which most of the time is me yelling at them. A smack if it's something dangerous or they push me over the edge. If Ryu happens to be grizzling or I am naked and trying to get him in the bath when above happens then it is usually worse.

I don't need Granny K giving me advice. I don't need the whole 'hub's late and says he is working or doing union stuff but what if the sneaky fucker is actually at pachinko' seed that he has sewn in the back of my head.

I also hate having to try and cover bits of flummy and what not up when trying to sort kids out and Granny K is on the scene.

Stop Press.

Hub has just come home - 8pm - earlier than I thought. He could tell by the steam evaporating off the top of my head that I wasn't shagadellic mummy tonight. He made the mistake of asking why I was so pissed off!!! Has anyone got a husband who, upon seeing that their beloved wife is visibly upset, gives them a hug?

Anyway, this was our conversation...

hub: why are you so pissed off?
GW: The kids. I am really getting to my limit.
hub: what a stupid thing to say. They are your own kids. Shouganai.
GW: That wasn't really what I meant. I meant getting to my limit of doing the evenings almost entirely on my own.  Do you know that I had to chase Shou and Marina practically naked (them and me). They went off on a rampage outside. In the rain. With no shoes on. And Marina had no pants on. Shou then tried to swing the cat round his head like a lasso.
hub: You're the one that wanted to keep the cat.
GW: Ummm??
GW: Did you bring any beer home?
Hub: no.
GW: fuck it. Haven't you got esp. Give me your car keys then.
Hub: you going to get some?
GW: No darling, I'm going on a horny housewives shoot, what the fuck do you think I'm doing?
GW: Christ, you smell like a chimney.
Hub: was the bloke beside me at the union thing.

Fuck it, did I mention I need some tequila. Well, now I need two bottles. One for GK and one for Hub. I don't even like to Tequila so the chances are that it WILL all get put to good use as a fire starter.  Send me gin and I may just squiff it all back and pass out for a few days.

God, that sounds like a good idea.
Now, just as soon as I finish this translation.

Oh - and in-between about paragraph three and four of this post Shou pissed all over the toilet floor. No attempt whatsoever to lift up the seat. He had wet pants and trousers too so the chances are he just couldn't hold on but he then went and, despite my asking him not to, stand in his own pee and then run down the corridor - laughing like a hysterical hyena. Thank god Ryu didn't wake up.

Hey, on second thoughts, flag the tequila.

I think I just need the gin.



Rachel said...

Why don't you get Shou to sit down to pee? Sorry if that's a stupidly girly comment...

I can't send you any tequila, but I can send you a pretty photograph of it's chemistry.

thefukases said...


Forget TGIF days like that it's where the hell is Monday?!! huh?

And I too get the 'the girls only act up because you're too strict.' Right. Because it would be a fabric softener ad if *both* their parents horsed around at 5 minutes past bedtime on a school night wouldn't it? Hope you can get some me time tomorrow!

Gaijin Wife said...

Heather - hub just offered to take Ryu for the day tomorrow while I go off on my own. But anywhere decent is a three hour round trip and I have translation to do :(

Fifi Kida said...

fuck it all eh...

sounds like your due another one of those go away and leave the kids with MIL and daddy times. Then you can get so drunk you need your stomach pumped and can stay in hospital for an additional few days of peace. (kind of) joking of course.

Sorry about the shitty MIL though, she sounds like she thinks she knows best when she clearly doesn't. Have you tried just saying Yes to absolutely everything she says? And then ignoring it anyway? Thats what she wants to hear and the old bird is clearly going a bit dotty anyways, so she will have forgotten what she told you by tomorrow. I found with MILS and grumpy husbands, just saying yes works in almost every situation..

Dont worry, one day we will be old too and we can miserable bastards who make everyone else miserable and hate us but feel the need to keep quiet about it because we are old. Im eagerly awaiting that day :D

Bryn said...

I can send tequila, and lighter fluid (can't have you wasting perfectly good ta-kill-ya on a vestling bonfire!)

And Rachel, E pees sitting down, but we still end up with a big mess when he forgets to "tuck".

Jen B said...

I don't get it, why won't Granny K help out more with the kids? I have half a bottle of vodka -if she's petite I can send that over.

Brenda said...

Good lord, what a day! Though I had a good chuckle about Granny K "croaking" properly. Really though, how many more years can the old bird have left in her? I know that's not much comfort now, sorry. Hope you're weekend is at least peaceful and you get lots of translating done.

Oh and I too would like to know if anyone has a husband who can see their wife is upset and just gives them a hug, because I am dying to know how to train mine to do that.

Gaijin Wife said...

Rachel - he used to sit down but now he has learnt to stand up and do it - is lots easier for us cause now he doesn't insist on taking hit pants entirely off to go - think he had just held on too long and would have pissed all over the show regardless!

Fifi - I have tried the 'yes' thing with her and things are a bit better for it but when she does shit like taking Marina to her room and giving her lollies.... ooh it just makes me wild. In hub's defense I told him about it and he went to talk to her.

Jen - half a bottle would be enough for her head aye? At least it would shut her up :)

Brenda - she reckons she only has a few years left but she is only 73 and the only thing actually physically wrong with her is a sore knee and a slightly high blood pressure. Damn nit.

Lily said...

Uhhhh...actually have some Tequila here.
Crap, I feel for you...I took a royal piss last week (and every other week) b/c of doing the night routine, at least your funny about it.

Twice yesterday, 1st by the old helpful guy in our mansion "it must be pretty hard to put 3 young kids in the tub eh" and "you are so strong to be doing this on your own"... and my answer "not strong, and it is so not healthy doing it alone and I don't want to do it alone".

Reo has been enjoying doing the dishes so perhaps that can keep Shou and Marina out of your hair a bit. Get a couple of stools and safe dish liquid, let them eat off plastic dishes, fill the sink up with some bubbles and they could be busy for the 5 minutes you need post-dinner to wash Ryu.

Want me to copy some DVD'S for you? All educational and then you can stash them in a place for only after dinner settle down time- they will be new to the kids so they will be mesmorized. You can pull out one on those hard nights. When Tomo was smaller I use to keep "surprise boxes" up on the shelf. Not so surprising as he knew what was in them but only got to play with the stuff in there when I needed a bit of quiet time.

I notice with Reo being 3 he needs his "cup filled" more often. When I can't give him the attention he needs (which is almost always I fear) he goes nuts, runs around like a crazy man, pushing baby, fighting with Tomo. I always think in my head "fuck, dude I have too much to do, chill" but it usually ends with him in a big sobby mess and me blowing a nerve and edgy. BUT sometimes I stop what I am doing and tell him to grab a book or car or whatever amidst the physical chaos and mental chaos of what has to be done. I cuddle him for a bit and then he has enough of me after 15 minutes and he seems "filled" enough to behave for long enough for me to get more done.

NOTHING at this point in my life is as annoying as having someone around who doesn't help. If a guest comes and I am trying to prep and whatever and the kids are giving me a hard time and they don't try to occupy the boys for the few minutes for me to make coffee that is pretty much the last time they come as it is too flippin stressful. (Side note- fly Bryn, Meg and Ethan over... they are the best with kids). I imagine Granny K thinks she is doing tons to help out though.

Sorry, such a long comment. Just thinking about it because I often feel the same way you do. Cecilia sent me some Berocca and it worked awesome. I few days ago I ordered 10 packs from New Zealand because I need anything to get me through the day. Tiredness is a bitch. Could talk forever about this topic. Anyhow, was going to whip up some aromatherapy for Bryn for the weight challenge you guys are doing, would love to send some to you if you like. Email me with your address (

Chrysanthemum Mum said...

Shit what an awful day that was for you. Have some similar days myself. Can't imagine how irritating it must be to have a MIL stick her nose in yet not do anything that really helps.

As for hubs who fail to recognise that their wife is upset,,,, it drives me mad that they think it is some failing in our character and not that doing EVERYTHING is bloody difficult. A hug would be lovely on such occasions much more preferable that a lecture or a "SHO-GA-NAI". Even better would be helping out without waiting to be asked and then having a million stupid questions like "Where are the nappies?" Why can't men just assess the situation and then get stuck in and help???

It's rare that James wees all over the floor. This only happens if he has left it too late to get to the loo and I guess as you said this is what happened with Shou. It's just sod's law that when you are having a really bad evening the incidents just seem to mount up.

Hope you get some tequila or gin in your system over this weekend.

My word verification was "forkaf" - something I gather you feel like yelling at Granny K (and hub) quite a bit, eh?