Saturday, 5 June 2010

Super Models & Puchi Showers

Anybody would think that I was a fricken supermodel judging by the way I was all prancing round the place yesterday. Amazing really. 1kg of weight loss in first week and I think I'm bloody Elle McPherson (spot the 30 year old). How can 1kg change your confidence I don't know but I was up for anything.

I would say that the past couple of years about - since being pregnant with Ryu - Hub and I have been bordering on boring in the bedroom. Yeah, yeah, there have been interludes in the shower, quickies on a Saturday afternoon and all that but overall very straight forward. Me Tarzan, you Jane. But last night, spurred on by ever so slight weight loss, three beers and a chuhai, hub got lucky...

GW: fancy a shag love?
Hub: wouldn't say no.
GW: Lets ????? and ???? followed by some ?????.
Hub: ...........
GW: (better watch myself, if I say this in five years time the old man may well have a heart attack)
Hub: (searching frantically) I thought that swing thing was in the back of the sock drawer beside the KY and the black panther??

OK, so I'm not quite fabulous enough to get back on the swing, and really the first ????? was enough for hub and we didn't even make it to the second ????? followed by some ?????. But still, more exciting than international relations meetings of recent times.

Anyhoo, enough about shagging.

Hub and I ventured over to our usual revolving sushi haunt for lunch, with a spot of pj shopping for the kids and the like. Came home for a nap for hub and Ryu and some English TV for mummy - a British drama series about a group of con artists. Don't know the name but it is quite a good watch. My friend is sending over a series called 'Glee' for my birthday. Quite excited about getting more English viewing. OH MY GOD - I've just had a revelation. I could probably watch the DVD on THIS computer whilst lying in the sun on our bed upstairs. What a luxury.

Moving on. A question to you all. What do you think these are....
For those that can't read the Japanese, this is a child enema. Marina has been trying to push a poo for three days and she was quite distressed so we had decided that if she hadn't done it by the end of today we would use one of these. They really are quite good. Have used them once before. You can buy them from the chemist for 200 yen for four - well worth it considering how much trouble some kids have sometimes. As it happens, Marina did a big crap finally while Shou and I were off in the car returning DVDs and buying these. They are very easy to use and your child will go to sleep a lot happier. There is also a whole side of English instructions - that speakers of English can actually understand.

And then there is this, that I came across when on a shop for tampons.
This is a puchi shower for you fanny!! Who would have thought there was even something out there. But I guess if you can water whoosh your bum clean then why not your fanny? You can't tell in this photo really but the cap is screwed off and turned upside down so that the plastic tampon shaped thing is at the top. You then supposedly insert and squeeze all that water up your fanny. It suggests to use it before or after sex and any other time you think you might need a puchi fanny shower.

So anyway, in the name of consumerism and me being the perfect consumer - cause who else would buy  this stuff - I am going to test it out. Not right now. I don't think my fanny is particularly scodey at the moment. I will wait until I am skinny and fabulous. Then I can be fabulous and have a funky flushed fanny. God the excitement at Don't leave your seats now will you.

And seriously that's enough about shags and fannies for the day. Want to see something funny?

We took these pics this morning and I didn't realise until I looked at them that we are all in stripes. And we even left the house looking like a band of convicts - albeit one with a bit of lippy.

Off to finish watching some crap dvd with hub - I picked it up in a moment of Bruce Willis weakness but it is quite B-grade. Robots and shit and Bruce with makeup making him look about 30.  Bring back die-hard and 5th element I say.


Edit - I changed the title from fanny to puchi shower as really should be a bit more restrained in my titles - as they come up on some people's blog lists and not everybody needs to be subjected to fannies, shags and obscenities. It came up in the comments that 'fanny' means bum in the States - and so I asked what would be a word for the vajij then? Do you know the proper scientific name for the puchi fanny shower? It is douche. Who knew aye. Well Adam knew so thankyou Adam. It is my new word for the day.

Edit - gotta stop googling douche. One of my comments said you could get them in the States in different scents so you could douche your fanny to smell like a mountain stream or summers day or whatever. I was trying to find a picture hopefully of a range of different ones - just out of curiosity - and came across this treasure.

Seriously now, no more douches.


Violet said...

What is it with enemas today? I said to the MIL this afternoon, I'm going to the chemist and the supermarket is next door so do you want me to get anything (meaning from the supermarket). She then told me (and I so didn't need to hear this) that she hadn't crapped for 3 days and could I please buy her an "ichijiku kancho". I was totally disgusted. I just did the nod and hai thing but then cornered hub and said - she's your mum, you go buy it! I don't want people thinking I need it and I don't want to have to ask for it! But he just laughed.

So eventually I found the kancho shelf in the chemist but there were several types (eg. long nozzle vs. standard, ewww!) and I just thought fuck it, she can buy her own kancho so returned with the excuse that I didn't know which type she wanted.

For kids though, I do see the benefits. When son was a tiny baby he had some not yet coordinated enough to employ the right muscles to crap-issues, and the hospital recommended inserting a cue-tip (nembo?) dipped in olive oil 2 cms up there. Worked wonders.

Gaijin Wife said...

Oooh - I didn't dip my cue-tip in olive oil yesterday with Marina. That must be the magic trick. Thankyou!! She was in serious distress and it had been close to 70 hours. Luckily nature pulled through and we didn't have to use it but they have been good in the past.

My hospital gives enemas routinely before childbirth. As if you NEED to be going through contractions while spending fifteen minutes on the toilet really. At least with a C-section you should miss that fun event. Not long to go aye!! Good Luck :)

Brenda said...

Glee is an awesome show! I LOVE it! So funny, with a sarcastic ironic humor. You'll love it! And Sara was sitting in my lap as I read this, and she went mad over the pics of Ryu. Looks like he's not just killing the obachan's anymore. Gotta keep an eye on that one!

Helen said...

I think the show that you watched was called Hustle. It has Robert Vaughn from The Man From Uncle in it?? It's fun.

And...was horribly mixed up at the beginning when you talked about fanny showers. Where I'm from fanny has a different meaning!

Gaijin Wife said...

Sorry Helen, I think in OZ and NZ we call fanny the same thing but you guys?? Am guessing that seeing as a fanny pack is a thing you wear round your bum that fanny means bum - what slang do you have for the vajij then?

Helen said...

I think I'm going to let you either Google it, or ask someone else! I don't say words like that out loud. Sadly, they aren't very complimentary words.

Adam W said...

Sex burns calories! Glee is an amazing show, btw. You'll die laughing.

Here in the states, those "fanny" showers are called douchebags. Douchebag has become a slang insult here in California. Or really the states. You can't walk down the hall in a high school without hearing someone call someone else a douchebag.

thefukases said...

Ohhhh I don't get out to the chemist often enough....

And does that fanny shower really promise to end your period quickly??? With a squirt of water??

I can't decide whether your pictures are arty or you were both just too blinded by Ryu's cuteness to realise you missed each other's heads... ;P

Gaijin Wife said...

Heather - it does claim that. Strange isn't it. I should probably try it at that time of the month then to see if it actually works. One day you'll get an un-cropped photo of me :p

Anonymous said...

I thought it was douche (from the French)..learn something everyday I guess :)

and yes Glee is fab!!! We get in on cable here and I love love love it...won`t spoil it for you but you`ll prob be pleasantly surprised :)

Bryn said...

Yeah, it's a douche. The "bag" was added to make it an insult. Have you really never heard of one? In the U.S. they come in different scents, like laundry detergent: Mountain Clean, Spring Fresh, April'll definitely be fab with a fanny that smells like a clean mountain!

Thanks to the almighty Oprah, we now say va-jay-jay too, but before it was just about any word you wanted to use: beaver, box, cha-cha, snatch, girlie parts, "down there", coot, cooter. In high school we actually called it a puchi!!

umebossy said...

careful with the vaj wash - apparently if you use them too much you can cause infections, PID etc because of screwing with the natural balance of err, flora and fauna in there...

Gaijin Wife said...

Bryn - thanks for ensemble of va-jay-jay words :)

Umebossy - only plan on doing it the once. As it is the lady on the cash register where I bought it knows me and am sure if I go buying too many the word will get out the gaijin has a scodey fanny / or a very clean one. Not sure which way the gossip would work!

Green-Eyed Geisha said...

My preferred nomenclature is cootch. And second what umebossy said-I've always heard one should be careful with douches (both the shower kind and the asshole man kind)

Kelly said...

I guess it gives new meaning to the word "douche-bag"!

We have them in oz too...I think it's called fem spray or something... I never knew it could end your period quickly though. i always thought it was so your vaggy could smell nice.


And guess what the security word is
"Fabulous" !!! :)

Lulu said...

Congrats on the weight loss! WOO! Just imagine if you do lose 1kg a week for 16 weeks- you will be giving Elle a run for her money then :)

Loved the words from Bryn- totally different from what we use in Aus (and NZ)

My mum told me when I was little to call it a "business" as in "my business?" I guess...and she is a kiwi so I always assumed it was something from there. Guess not though?!?

world of sekimachihato said...

k-chan just gave me a weird look as i was eyeing up that COLT. god, it's even ribbed (for his pleasure? (like i need that question mark!))
gotta get my mind back on task, baby is stirring now...

Gina said...

Congrats on your weight loss! I'm cheering you on over here!

And you'll love Glee!!! We watch Glee at our house, it's hilarious. : )

cameramom said...

Bryn told me about your blog, and I visited for the first time tonight.

You are a hoot! I'm reading your posts, and I can't stop laughing! (Wait, do they say "hoot" in Australia?)

Me, I call it my "lady bidness!"