Wednesday, 16 June 2010

Overtimes a Bitch.

I didn't post yesterday - I think it's been a while since I missed a day. Apologies to those of you who stop by expecting another daily dose of gaijiwife dramas, obscenities and the boring day-to-day shite that goes hand in hand with small children, vesting inlaws and husbands that work late EVERY FUCKIN NIGHT.

Am really over this shit. I just about cried when I found out he hadn't been moved out of the tax office. 8 years in the same office is very rare and this better be his last year or heads will roll come next April. I want compensation in the form of him being moved to the social welfare or education departments. Still some overtime but seriously in Japan even the tea lady does overtime. The tax department is just taking the piss.

On Monday night hub got home late. Last week I asked him to please circle every day on the calendar that he expected to be late. He has amazing foresight for a man. He can predict that he will be late every day until August. He hadn't circled Monday though so come Monday I am expecting him home at least in time to help get Shou to bed. Didn't happen though and so yesterday I ask if he will be home early tonight seeing as he was late last night. The bloody man bit my head off.

Hub: Christ woman, of course not. Look. See. Tuesday is circled on the calendar.
GW: I noticed, I just thought perhaps yesterday's overtime was instead of today's.
Hub: (looking very confused - as if trying to do a sadoku that has no starting numbers)
GW: Well see, Moooooooooonday. No circle but you worked late. Tuuuuuuuuuesday. Circle.
Hub: I only circled the days I have Union Meetings.
GW: So? Every day that you haven't circled?
Hub: I'll be late probably, except Thursday's when I come home early because I have to.
GW: Because I work darling... How long is this shit going to last?
Hub: Until August.
GW: In April you said June, in May you said July and now it's August?

There was then a few words exchanged about pachinko which fucked him off but I told him to pull his head in cause it was his fault I got all worked up and pissed off, while doing the kid thing on my own again, thinking that he could be at pachinko, and if not then he is at his desk at work with a coffee and perhaps the banter of the other ADULTS staying late. Wow! Adult conversation between the hours of five and eight is something I have given up on.

I do feel sorry for the man - putting up with my shit but honestly? He thinks he is sooooo hard done by having to work late. Men out there - working is hard, it takes concentration, uses up some of those man cells. Most of us women have been there and done that. We know what working late means, the stress and all. Most of you however do not know what it is like dealing with small children NIGHT AFTER NIGHT after bloody night. I am sick of being called a dickhead and told to shut up by my three year old. I am sick of my two year old trying to coax her three year old brother to jump on the sofa, the chairs, the table, the bed, and my flummy. I am sick of the one year old grizzling and packing a sad because the fact that I only have two hands and two legs means it is logistically impossible to feed and help feed three children at EXACTLY the same time.

Sigh, just one of those days I guess aye.

So, packed with angst from a husband that is going to be working late until August I got on line and booked all our tickets home - TWO WEEKS. I then texted hub to say that tickets were booked and his maximum of ten days off work has turned into 15 days. Suck it up man. Tis my payback for having to suck up the overtime.

Korean air - 500,000 yen for five of us with the kids being 75% and Ryu 10% of the adult tickets. 18 hours to get to NZ and 27 hours to get back.  Three nights in Auckland before flying direct to Dunedin which is at the other end of the country and takes longer than flying to Korea from Japan. Those domestic tickets - $100 each and Ryu is free of course. Crazy cheap.

We arrive in Dunedin at 9am. My sister, her hub and three kids and my brother arrive at half nine and at 10 we pick up the mini van to fit

  • five adults
  • three nearly teenage girls
  • two small people
  • one baby
  • two carseats and a booster seat
  • one pushchair
  • five suitcases
  • kitchen sink
  • case of vino
  • barrel of gin
I am in the process of getting the van sorted but once that is sorted the only thing left to organize is the motel in Auckland and Napier for our week there after the big family reunion. 

Shit. I guess it's actually quite a blessing hub has all this overtime.

We'll need it.

I've just put the whole trip on his credit card




Lulu said...

Love the last sentence!! Haha!

I feel you pain with the overtime and I only have the one little kid to worry about- I want a 2nd but I have no idea how I would handle the logistics of it all. How do single mums do it? Seriously?

We had a similar conversation recently when I asked if there was any nights this week he would be home early and he said he shouldn`t be too late any nights. And I said, "No, I mean any nights you will be home before 8:30pm" and he looked and said " no...but I might be home before 10pm on Thursday and Friday", yeah, not exactly what I was hoping for.

Overtime is indeed a bitch.

Glad the trip is all booked and organized. It`s only 4 months til then! Will fly by! It is less than 5 months til I go back to Australia and I am already counting down the weeks.

Will you be able to find a van to fit that many people and stuff? Or will you have to do two?

Fiona Kida said...

I also feel your pain with overtime, I really do. My hubby is self employed and works (no exaggeration) from 9.30 Am until 1am. We get to go and see him from 4-6 for lunch and that, but then he just sits and reads his newspaper and grunts, and means no help with kiddo. UGH.

And he only takes a day off (meaning, 9.30 - 6pm )once a week, and a night off whenever he doesnt get a reservation at night on a wednesday or sunday (which works out at about 1 time a month.)

Exciting news about the trip though :D

Im sure you have checked this already, but are you sure you are able to fly with 3 kids and only 2 adults? Most airlines have a policy that you need 1 adult for every under 16 and infant? Just I don't want you to get a nasty shock at the airport...

Im going home for 2 months with kiddy in August, so excited! Its school and uni holidays too, so my kid brother and sis will be home and I can traumatize them into not having kids by letting them babysit my monster! :D

Sara said...

Gosh I hope Ryohei is NEVER transferred to the tax office... I've gotten really used to him being him between 6-6:30 most nights.

Yay for using all that crap overtime pay on something fun though! A family vacation sounds so nice :)

Anyways, not the same but since Ryohei is in the hospital all week I'm basically a single mother (temporarly) and it hasn't been fun... and I only have the one. Can't imagine having 3...

Are you getting ready for spider season again.. good thing you'll be home for the brunt of it in August!!!

Gaijin Wife said...

Lulu - we WILL all fit in the one van - with luggage trailer!!

Fionw - Korean air says "Single adult passenger travelling with more than one infant must purchase at least one child fare ticket" so I am presuming two adults with three children is OK. Hope so or Shou will be sleeping at Fukuoka airport for two weeks.

ローラ said...

I'm also in the same boat with all you ladies.

With working in the food industry comes long hours. Takeshi will on average, no matter where he is, work at least 11 hours every day. With hopefully Sundays off - Saturdays off are not possible. Ever. And he may get weekdays off, which is probably flip-side MY schedule which would be more the usual 9-5, five days a week gig. So we always HOPE to get some time off together.

I love that your hub has this huge expense on his credit card now. Oh boy. ;) Well it's not like he didn't know about the trip or anything. And more power to you traveling with 3 kiddies! I hope it goes as smoothly as it can be.

I can definitely feel your hub's frustration, as you said, with working overtime and whatnot - but men definitely don't know the frustration on a the woman's side of things. They do say that stay-at-home moms work enough each day to equal a full time job (and a half probably!).

He needs to have empathy for having to live in that world day after day. I probably bet you juggle more things at home than we might at work! Lol.

Sarah@mommyinjapan said...

I flew internationally last April with four kids by myself. There shouldn't be any problem for you!

My husband and I used to have the same argument (coincidentally when the third baby arrived). Who is more tired? Who is working harder? Who deserves a break more? It just went round and round. One day I just decided that were were both tired, worked hard and deserved a break but there was only one chance to be with our kids. Eventually they would go off to school and they wouldn't need us more. It took a lot of mental fortitude but we stopped fighting and just did what needed to be done for "our" children. I reminded my husband that this was his one and only chance to build a relationship with his kids. Ten minutes once a week was not going to be enough. Now that three of our kids are in school and more independant, I'm glad we both spent so much time with the kids even though we were tired. Now we get to sleep in (!) during vacations and have our own alone time and it's awesome.

I think the third baby really shows that it is hard to parent alone.

illahee said...

well, you could always just give me a call and i'll take one off your hands, just in case you can't get one on the plane. ;)

overtime, what a suck that is!

Rachel said...

So glad you got the tickets, it's lovely having them there, all bought and paid for, isn't it?

No worries for me either with ONE adult and THREE kids, the travel agent mentioned it, then said it was no problem. I think there IS a rule about having only one under two per adult, but it's okay if the kids are older.

Chrysanthemum Mum said...

The overtime sucks, eh? It seems from all the other comments that Japanese men on the whole don't roll up their sleeves and get stuck in with family stuff. Hub works late everyday too and so I suggested that as he "can't" be home to see the kids in the evenings and eat dinner with us, we should all do breakfast together. Given that we all leave the house around the same time I didn't think this would cause conflict with schedules and work commitments. He's managed to get up once to join us for breakfast! We go round and round having the same arguments about our responsibilities. I still find it incredulous that I have to ask my husband to join us at the table. He seems to forget that his wife also has a full time job.

I remember when I first came to Japan and a newly married young woman in one of my classes mentioned that "Japanese people are divorced in the home". The conversation topic was the divorce rate in Japan and how it was much lower than in the West. Other friends have said that they hardly ever remember their parents communicating, preferring to live in separate areas of the house. To me this is just plain weird not to mention frustrating!

I think Japanese men are missing out on such a valuable time with their kids. They'll never get this time back.