Tuesday, 1 June 2010

Major Meltdown (obscenity alert)

I started the healthy eating thing yesterday and I think the combination of not enough cheese and bread, a twat husband, a 'my ears are painted on' three year old and an insomniac for a baby meant I had close to one of the biggest mummy meltdowns in the history of gaijinwife mummy meltdowns.

The day was good though. I was super diligent. Drinking lots of water, eating lots of vegetables and not just eating for the sake of eating and/or claiming to in the name of 'cleaning out the fridge'.

In the morning Ryu and I headed to the baby class happening at the local welfare centre. It was for babies who will be in the same school year as Ryu. There were only six and us mothers. He got weighed and measured...

Weight - 9730grams
Height - 73cm

This is pretty much in the middle of the graph for 12 month old boys.

There was then an hour of baby and mummy exercises and aerobics. I must say, three minutes of squats holding a 10kg baby and my thighs are feeling a bit tingly today :) Got home and tried to sort out my '4 month challenge' blog and ended up reading loads of diet blogs and various information. Found a BMI gadget for my sidebar and put my stats in. Weighing in at 85.8 yesterday I put 86kg and that, along with my 164cm height and I am 'obese'. I was shocked. I have never associated 'obese' with my shape before. Lard ass who had too many babies too fast - yes. But 'obese' - thats those people that drink 2lts of fizzy drink a day and eat takeaway pizza five nights a week.

Anyway, I shocked myself skinny overnight and lost 400 grams - probably due to THREE FUCKIN HOURS of rocking, line dancing and swaying trying to get Ryu to sleep between the hours of 1 and 4am. I need to get to 80kg to be considered just 'overweight' and back down to 65kg to be 'normal'. You can follow my progress over the next four months here. Feel free to leave words of wisdom or encouragement. I will need it.

The evening witching hours were pretty standard. I rang hub and he said he wouldn't be in till half eight, at which time Ryu and Marina had been asleep for an hour already but Shou was still up and being very stubborn. Hub put him to bed and we went not long there after.

Ryu slept for 7 hours - which in itself is considered 'all night' by some baby books. A 1am wake up I can handle if the bastard will go back to sleep after a quick cuddle. I exhausted my repertoire of 'get baby to sleep' routines. He finally looked like he was asleep at 2am so I put him down and tried to creep back upstairs. Honestly, trying to creep anyway in this godforsaken house is impossible. You know that program SASUKE where they have a whole lot of hard core obstacle courses and the last one is always a long rope that the one or two finalists have to climb up within about 30seconds? Well, they should ditch that stage and put the contestants at the bottom of our stairs with a baby asleep ten feet away and tell them the winner is the person who gets to the stop of the stairs without waking the baby. Fuckin impossible.

Had JUST pulled back the duvet to get into bed when Ryu started crying. I did the big woe is me, I'm fuckin exhausted, am going to ignore the crying thing so hub reluctantly got out of bed and went downstairs. Remember it is 2am.

Five minutes later I hear the light switch getting turned on followed not long there after by Ryu's toy train saying 'ocha ikagadesuka' (Cup of tea anyone), and him giggling. I am fuckin wild. Beyond belief. I go downstairs and hub says he wasn't going to go to sleep so he thought he would let him play for a while???

Hub is made to go back upstairs and I spend another hour trying to get Ryu sleepy again. He gets sleepy but he wont go to sleep so I take him up to our bed so at least I can lie down and pat him while he tries to gouge my eyes out and pull the skin off my neck. Sometime around 4am he finally goes to sleep so I go down and put him back in his own bed.

I get to sleep for a glorious HOUR before the spawn of the devil wakes up at 5am and declares the whole house now awake and ready to start the day. Ooooooh, Mummy is not happy. I sneak into Shou's bed to try and get some peace but can hear hub half heartedly try and tell Shou and Marina, who is also up now, to be quiet or they'll wake the baby. Hub gets semi seriously angry and Shou just laughs and thinks its all a big bloody joke. That's bloody it my son. I fee fi fo fum with steam coming out my ears and rugby ball the boy to the closet in Marina's room. He didn't actually go in, and never has, but the threat was enough to make him behave.

This is probably chapter three of 'how to traumatize your young child' but honestly, rationality and good parenting (for me anyway) go out the window when I am hungry, angry, tired, obese and trying desperately to figure out why my twat husband thinks putting on lights and playing with a baby in the middle of the night is going to help the cause.

Downstairs at breakfast time and Shou gets the stern word about something or rather - and he laughs again. This really does fuck me off. We have a big talk about getting told off and how he should stop whatever it is he is doing and get on with the task at hand - eating his breakfast. I don't think it's a very big ask really. The boy needs to eat.

The telling off got postponed anyway when Shou spotted a poisonous centipede over near the fireplace. All men on deck. Arrrggghhhh. Fuuuuuuuck. Hub gets the insect spray and decapitates the wriggly fucker using the underside of the can. I then pick both halves up and it gets put in a bucket where it gets sprayed to centipede heaven and finally biffed in the river.

And that was our night and our morning. I sincerely hope tonight, or any night hereafter is not a repeat performance of last nights.

Right, time to vacuum and find something healthy for lunch - when really all I want is takeaway pizza and fizzy drink but I should persevere - it is only day two after all.



Rachel said...

Tee hee... I knew exactly which stairs creeped, and a certain spot just by the door where you could not step on the tatami!!!

thefukases said...

oh wow... nights like those huh?

Send Shou to big mean aunty Heather for awhile. I'll swap you for 6 year old attitude 'mou shitteiru yo' is my latest teeth grinding inducing phrase....

Go you on the diet! Although I really, *really* think some days necessitate chocolate for medicinal use....

Kelly said...

My friend puts the radio on in the baby's room which lulls him off to sleep and it also is a background noise so that if someone in the house does make a noise it's not noticed by him. The radio is not on loud, but just enough to be heard. She also plays enya or relaxation music to get him off to sleep at night. It works like a charm.

Hope you get some sleep soon x

Gaijin Wife said...

Rachel - every stair is bloody well creaky. We have musical tatami too :(

Heather - I think some days necessitate chocolate AND crates of wine.

Kelly - I use a baby music CD when Ryu first goes down but it doesn't seem to work for the middle of the night wakings. I have a baby play thing that has a setting that sounds like the inside of the womb - that sometimes works still, although hub thinks it sounds like a vacuum cleaner :)

Lily said...

No words of help here but would love to hear what others advise. Good luck with the diet eh.

Must apologize, I don't know what is going on with the donations via Kathys blog. The current obituary states to mail the money to america but the previous version mentions the paypal way on her blog.

Thank-you for the kind comments about my writing. I feel humour is the style that takes real talent and you therefore are brilliant.

3 year old is having his own meltdown right now so I will finish this quick- 3 GEMINI'S in your home?????? Your blog will get more and more entertaining as the kids get older *lol*. I am born June 6 (which is actally June 7 in Japan)- so Ryu and I technically share a birthday- awesome.

Damn, someday we surely will have some conversations to give the others around us a headache. That is usually what happens when you get two Gemini's together.

Gaijin Wife said...

Hi Lily - I used payapl via her blog. I put in Japanese yen. i got a confirmation email so I am presuming they will get it - I hope.

Lulu said...

I can`t believe that Ryu is almost one.

We are having a bad night here too :-( So hoping that means since I have the crap end of the stick that tonight you have the good end. Noah just screamed at the top of his lungs for an hour- he seemed in pain but wouldn`t burp so I don`t know. In the end I had to put him in the cot to go pee and he was asleep when I came back- I imagine he will wake up again within half an hour screaming again though!

Good luck with the weight loss and diet. I tend to agree with heather and think that chocolate (or perhaps cheese!) is sometimes needed for medicinal purposes!

world of sekimachihato said...

ooh, i checked mine and i'm "underweight".
god, are we not friends anymore after i typed that?


anyway my long lost friend (i'm kissing ass) how on earth do i get my baby to sleep!? any insider tips?

Gaijin Wife said...

WOS - no, you can still be my friend. You've always been a skinny bastard so I forgive you :)

I am not the best authority on good sleeping babies!! none of mine slept more than a couple of hours at a time for the first two or three months!!

Nay, over at 'join us in the adventures of a life time' (see my blog list) has just written a post on a sleep method called 'E.A.S.Y' - you should go check it out.

world of sekimachihato said...

oooh, i just read that "E.A.S.Y" post (and got paid; ie i'm "working" at the office), sounds like a plan i might just have to put into practice!
great idea about putting the baby straight to bed when it yawns. gonna sms my wife now and tell her that little trick.

hey, we gotta have a chat on msn sometime.
sekimachihato@hotmail dot com
(a.k.a skinny bastard)