Thursday, 6 May 2010

Linedancing and beer

There used to be a pub in my home town called the Grumpy Mole. I have a feeling tis now a trendy cafe but at the height of bogans, escorts and mullets it used to have linedancing on a Thursday night. I have very vague recollections of going a few times - and having rum and coke induced fabulous times. Please note that I was never a bogan, never owned an escort and in my mind never had a mullet.

Not sure if it is those occassions, or my several aeorobics videos and doing the grapevine but Ryu and I have come up with a new sleep routine. Linedancing to '100 bottles of beer on the wall'. A sleepy Ryu will very seldom take the whole song to get to sleep. In fact when I sang it this morning on the way back from the doctors Shou was asleep at 88 bottles and Ryu 76 (a great year by the way).

Experienced mother that I am putting children to sleep can sometimes really push my patience. I find myself starting to boil and wanting to get angry at small helpless very-cute-during-the-day children. This new routine helps trememdously - it gives me an ending. By the time I finish this song he will be asleep and I can have some time without children hanging off my legs and screaming in my earhole.

Ryu has never been a sit and rock to sleep baby. I have to stand and move around. A gentle sway to a lullaby - you've got to be joking. Nope. Swing that baby round as fast as you can and sing about beer. Works wonders.

They are all asleep now though - Shou in our bed - under new duvet cover bought at half price duvet sale in NZ. I think I have a closet fettish for duvet covers. For some reason as soon as I go home and come across them I think I just have to get one as buying a queen size in Japan is impossible as everyone sleeps in single beds - well, perhaps that was seven years ago when I first got my queen size bed. I'm sure there's a lot more big beds, couples sleeping together and shagging going on now.

So, about the bottomly pots covered in spots - Shou woke up this morning and was even spottier, if at all possible, than yesterday. I did an internet search but didn't get far as he really had none on his body - was mainly his legs, hands and a couple on his neck. Ryu had the runs and a few spots so into the car we all got and went on a road trip (an hour each way) to the doctors - hub took Marina to kindy.

At the doctors we were put in one of their 'don't know what disease you have but can you stay away from everyone else' waiting rooms. Shou was not happy - no toys or books. I had to hold Ryu with one arm and keep the sliding door shut with the other - for ten minutes. The doctor came in and declared everyone fit and healthy-ish. Mind you he didn't give me a going over or perhaps he would have found otherwise.

Shou's diagnosis was a rash from perhaps a food he ate approximately thirty minutes before the first spot appeared -whenever the fuck that was. He got cream and two types of powder meddy. Ryu's diagnosis was sweat spots and feeling under the weather from the change in climate, slight time difference, and general bastard tiredness from long journey. He got cream and two types of powder meddy too.

We were allowed out into the general waiting room to await the prescription. Awesome. Every parent in the room eyes you up coming out of the quarantine rooms. I would too. I had to keep saying in a loud voice to Shou, who had taken over the play area, that wasn't it good that it wasn't some African tribal jungle highly contagious rash that he obviously got from his foreign mother. Didn't help much though. Definately weren't good vibes coming from anyone.

Shou got dropped off at kindy on the way home with a lot of reassurance from me to the kindy teachers that all OK. I gave Ryu a quick pit stop and then we went to the coin laundry to dry the two loads of washing and bedding I did earlier - when I was still unsure of what Shou might have and what if it was something crawly in his bed and may as well strip that and wash everything.

Had near death experience at laundromats when pulling out washing from industrial sized dryer - I had obviously washed (and dried) Shou's extremely life-like looking plastic black stag beetle. Extremely hardy plastic and well worth 100 yen. Didn't even feel soft. Luckily nobody else there and after very embarrassing yelpy helpy chick moment I did do a quick, very sneaky, look for any security cameras - as a lot of those places have them to check for scodey middle aged Japanese men trying to steal womens underwear. Fuck, they'd get a fright if they went to steal mine!!

With Shou at kindy and Ryu asleep I got some time to do a bit more unpacking. Got sidetracked when rediscovered duvet cover though. As I was remaking Shou's bed I looked down from the second story window to the driveway and saw a long slithering slithery fucker snake sliding across trying to make it's way into MY garden. I ran down stairs, got the rake, and promptly whacked it off my property. As I was turning around I saw ANOTHER one already in my garden. No you don't buddy. I tried to whack that one away but it got all feisty and bitchy and started rattling it's tail and trying to eat the rake.

I think Japan only has two types of bad arse snakes - the mamushi and that other one starting with an A perhaps that lives down in Okinawa. Either way this one was not one of those so the rattling and the hissing and panting and huffing and puffing and trying to blow my house in was just a big show. Still, it got the shits up me enough to think mowing the lawns to competition putting green length tomorrow may not be a bad idea. Our currently about 5cm and 10cm around the edges lawn is excellent breeding ground for frogs and me thinks the snakes come to dine. Bonjour, oiu oiu or oui oui, eifle tower and bolly darling.

So, half way through doing Shou's bed I go back upstairs. As I was putting his duvet in his Lightening McQueen cover a black sock that had obviously gotten stuck in the cover while being tossed in the dryer fell out and I had my second near death experience of the day. I swear my heart nearly stopped, I dropped a dress size, and got about ten more grey hairs.

Now, if only I could just bottle that moment and sell it to all the fat people of the world I would be a friggin millionaire.

Hub has just walked in the door - and already propositioned me for some action. Sometimes really all it is is a bit of a hip grind when I go to give him a 'hi honey, you're home, how was you long day at the office?' greeting. Stamina bbq beef didn't net him the much desired action last night as a fussy baby and a cough till you vomit daughter does not equal a 'get your gears off and ride me now you hunk' mummy.

Perhaps tonight. Or perhaps not. We'll see where this glass of medicinal red wine gets me aye.



selena said...

habu snake!

Anonymous said...

Oh gawd Gaijin wife you've just made my day with your post. Still got tears in the eyes from laughing. Admire your bravery with the snakes. We get a few here (subtropical northern NSW) and I have been known to fly through the air when I see one. And, what do you say to your grandson when he asks 'grandma, why is there tape stuck over the overflow thing in the bathroom floor?' Yeh, well I'm not admitting it's because a snake just might crawl up through it so quick storytime/lies.
I do enjoy your blog.
Do hope your Mum is coping with all her illness involves. You must miss her. I was so glad when you went to visit her and your family.
Margaret M

Gaijin Wife said...

Selena - thank you. Habu. that's it. And do they not put some in shochu?

Margaret - Shite. You've planted the seed. You know I wont be able to sleep until I've covered up our plug hole, eventhough would have to be very extremely aneorexic and perhaps even related to chinese circus performers to get up through our pipe and into the house! I like hearing that others get enjoyment from reading my blog. Thankyou :)

selena said...

Ugh! They sell big jars of it at the tourist shops with a dead snake in the bottom. Don't know if the locals actually drink it that way. *shudder*

Nay said...

EEK!! I absolutely hate snakes... walking along the river last year I came across a few snakes. I am so not looking forward to it this year with a baby and a dog to look after. Will probably wake up a sleeping baby and scare the living crap out of Milo with my screams, lol!! Although the snakes you come across here in Japan are way better than the ones that used to find themselves in our laundry back home (read: red belly black snakes)...

illahee said...

snakes? with an S at the end?? SNAKES???

lol freakin' japan.

Silver Balls said...

Shag the poor bloke,already

Gaijin Wife said...

Nay - EEK bloody EEK alright. Not fun but agree - lots better than ones that bite and leave you having to get your leg amputated at the knee or something.

Illahee - All snakes will be well behaved and hiding on the day you come. Promise.

Silver Balls - I did :)