Tuesday, 11 May 2010

Almost worth laughing

What a commedy act. Have to laugh really or I might get really pissed off and burn the incompetant bastard's house down!

This 'next post' was meant to be from shiney new computer, or at least from my Mac. As it happens the 'refuses to die' piece of crap I always use is still plugged in and running.

I rang the inbred electrician while I was looking for antenna thing at the store this morning. Did I need to get a modem as well? I'm a bit useless when it comes to this kind of thing but that is acceptable as people don't pay me for my electrical skills and knowledge. For all I knew this buffalo wireless antenna thing might have a built in modem. For all I knew modems are a thing of the bloody past and modem type waves move between computer, antenna thingy and hole in fuckin wall. Who knows.

Electrician speaks to me like am dumb foreigner, which is in itself acceptable I guess as I talk to him like his father is his mother's brother.

He turns up at our house at 1pm and would like to know if it is OK to come and do his thing after lunch.

He arrives back at 2pm and promptly sets up his ladder, faffs round on his keitai for twenty minutes and then tells Granny K he will fix her TV so she can see satelite BS first. (BS actually satelite name and not standing for bullshit).

Fuck it, he can't remember if he pulled the satelite wire under the floorboards four years ago when he did the wiring for the house - not my choice of electrician of course, I would have rather had papa smurf, ALF and a partridge in a pear tree doing our wiring. Granny K and I BOTH try to tell him that we think he did - and both remember him saying that even though Granny K didn't want satelite now she might later on and so best to do the wiring now just in case. Sensible man. Now if only he could fuckin remember the one sensible thing he has done these last four years.

We can't convince him though and so he decides to pull up the nailed down floorboards under the tatami mats in the alter room. The tatami mat he then leans against Ryu's cot - dusty side facing cot. He has rung up reinforcements in the name of vestling man from down the road. He squirells himself down under the floorboards only to re-emerge fifteen minutes later covered head to toe in dust and dirt declaring that YES, infact he had pulled the cord through four years ago.

He then spends an HOUR fiddling round with Granny K's television - all the while Ryu is bastardly tired but unable to sleep as his afternoon nap space is mid-wiring.

Granny K's tv finally shows the satelite but now the normal cable TV has gone up the fuck and it turns out he needs to put a new something or rather around the something or rather that requires him going up onto the roof - off which unfortunately he doesn't fall which would mean I would have valid reason to employ someone whose name doesn't start with RE and end with TARD.

Finally he gets around to attaching the modem upstairs in Shou's room. It turns out he needs to attach the modem and then the wireless antenna - so no small little box attached to wall like I thought. Big complicated array of wires and boxes that all need to hide under Shou's bed collecting dust and waiting either for a little boy to find them and decide they need taking apart, or a fire to break out.

Actually not that many wires at all but the big black one that is poking out of wall at moment looks remarkably like snake tried to beat to death with rake the other day.

So, FOUR hours after he arrives he leaves - and I still have no wireless connection. He mumbles something about virus protection and whatever it was he was doing not working properly and he needs to check with so and so or call such and such or slit his wrists - which would really be the best solution.

He was still here as I was teaching my English class.

But hey - it gets better.

He CAME BACK as I was still teaching to say that he couldn't find his phone and could he check up stairs. It was unfortunately on manner mode so me ringing it made no difference. He couldn't find it. He said He will look at home.

Me thinks if he can't find it at home he will be back tomorrow to lift up our fuckin floorboards again.

Sorry for the very inpolitically correct post.

Feel free to contact me if you fancy a laugh, a few extra wires and complete twat of an electrician. I will stuff him in a box with his bag of tools, that may as well be a whisk, a can opener and box of nipple shields for all the good it does him, and courier him to you - free of charge.



Sarah said...

It took my boyfriend (who doesn't have the inbred excuse your electrician does! ;) ) more than 24 hours to try and get the wireless modem working in my appartment - before he finally gave up and pronounced it impossible. I later discovered it was, in fact, impossible but not for the reasons he thought it was! Gah.

kuri, ping & the pinglet said...

What do you mean "almost worth laughing"? I've been sitting here reading your post and trying to keep my laughs from waking the Pinglet upstairs. :):):)

Hope you can get your wireless soon!!

Megan said...

oh you make me laugh katy too funny! here's hoping you'll have shiny flash mac up and running soon :) xx

illahee said...

too funny!! sorry you're still without wireless but classic! what a man. *rolls eyes*

thefukases said...

Can't wait for the next instalment where he realises you wanted wireless internet and not one of them new fandangled wireless remote controls. ;P

And it makes me feel better about the roofing guy who as visited three times already and still hasn't stepped on the actual roof. Think they're related?

Kelly Azuma said...

That's hilarious.
We get BS News here and Yasu and I always call it Bullshit news... :) Coz it is really..

Men!! What is it with workmen? You tell them something, and you know it's true, and they have to check because they don't believe us women are right! There's nothing that Pisses me off more than workmen. And then they find that you were right all along.

Hope it gets sorted soon! I'll probably dream about your antenna problems tonight haha lol :)

Bryn said...

That post was hilarious! Well, probably not to you, but the laugh did me a world of good!

I really hope he gets it straight soon! And it will be totally worth it when he does!