Friday, 9 April 2010

Thats no bloody shagging... (Long)

Warning - references to sex, obscenities and possibly quite a few blasphemous outbursts... Family members should probably just scroll down to previous post with cute baby photos.

This could be a bit all over the place as positively tanked on my third cup of real coffee. Lucky the weather isn't too good or I would have painted the deck too and then I'd by high on paint thinner as well and god knows what kind of post that would lead to!

In Japan it is not common practice to live together before you get married. I think living together in sin before committing is possibly the best investment a person can make in their future. Hub and I had a weekend date and shag thing going on for about six months before we decided to get married. We lived in separate towns and didn't see each other much outside of the weekends.

People say that people change when they get married / have children. I think the fundamentals of that person probably don't but that we bend towards trying to fit into another person's life. We need to adapt. We should be good at it you would think - we manged to find our grounding and start walking, lost all the body hair, figured out how to talk and realised that if we went round showing our bits all the time the only thing we would be good for was reproducing.

Hub has had to bend quite a lot - as have I - and as I imagine a lot of international couples do. He has had to start doing more around the house, with the kids, with me, his lovely gaijinwife. He thinks he is hard done by and compared to a lot of my Japanese friend's husbands I guess he is, in that I wont let him come home and plonk down in front of the TV demanding beer and dinner while I feed, bath and put to bed three small children. I recognize that he is trying and I try to acknowledge this to him, thanking him for the things I would otherwise take for granted.

OK, so that last sentence may have been a bit over the top. Half the time hub can be such a complete fuckwit that thanking him for anything is the furthest thing from my mind.

Before you have children you think that a baby will make you into a 'family'. As much as you can learn from friends, family, books etc, it is impossible to really know how much a baby can throw a spanner into the works. Sure, there are fabric softener add moments where you and hub sit together on the couch (quite possibly in blue jeans and a white t-shirt) and coo at the bundle of joy, the miracle, the perfect baby that you have been blessed with.

OK, stooooooooooop the bus. Back up the truck. Hold on there.
We had a few of these moments, but then sleep deprivation kicked in and has stayed since (bar of course that one beautiful night at the haven).

One child is easy. You don't realise this until you have another. You wonder why you ever complained about how hard it was with one child.

Two children isn't easy but it's easier than three. I can't believe I ever complained about just Shou and Marina. Obviously I never had much time to complain about the just one or the just two children as shooting three out in three years didn't leave me with much time before things got busier. Aren't I good? I didn's say 'worse', because it's not. It's harder, more difficult and could well be the start of the end but I would never want to take a child back.

So anyway, should probably get to the part with references to sex, obscenties and blasphemous outbursts.

Last night we had an international relations meeting - has been a while. I think the last time was the night hub came home with the pachinko funded flowers. Hub went to bed at 10 but I had English till 9 so wasn't wound down enough to sleep that early. Got up to bed later though and hub was all for it.

Now, hub and I have enjoyed quite a good sex life. Christ, the man has even learned that forplay will get him everywhere. But not last night. No kissing, no cuddling. Sometimes if either one of us is tired we will do the standard shag and be done with it - but last night hub was insistant that he pleathure me first. I couldn't really be assed to tell you the truth. If I'm not in the mood it can take ages and loads of different pool boy fantasies.

But, I rode with it anyway. Destination reached with NO whispered words of endearment from hub, no boob groping, no nothing - just getting on with the task at hand so to speak.
This was followed by the main event. Hub wanted some 'nama' (no condom action fist) which is unusual now that we no longer want to increase our offspring. I did a quick calculation and as period is due in about two days I agreed. Hub finishes with his chinchin encased in green rubber though. I tried to go in for the pash half way through but I would have had more success trying to suck face with the wall. Fuck Japan and its nation of stone wall kissers. Hub is actually quite good and usually it is fine but yesterday was Japanese drama pecking and lip pressing togetherage.



He didn't say anything. He got up, put his PJs on and went downstairs and by the sounds of it (glass, ice, pop of bottle) had a swig of sake.

This is a first. The kissing thing was down right insulting. The first thing I thought was holy fuck. What if he is getting it somewhere else? I haven't thought that before. OK, so probably I have because I'm a pessimist and currently have loads of flabby weighty insecurities about my body.
When he came back upstairs I asked if everything was OK and he said eh, um, un and went to sleep.

This isn't good. I want my husband and his shinkenja chinchin back please. I want cuddles and kisses and to be told I'm beautiful even if it's a lie and I don't feel it.

I couldn't get to sleep after that - thinking about...

If he is, who is it and does she have small tits?

How does he find the time in between work and silver balls?

Is it down to me 'letting myself go' after shooting three kids out the saloon doors in as many years?

What would I actually do anyway?

Decided I would just write it down, chalk it up as a bit of an odd meeting and fuelled by all the stress of late, hope it isn't going to be a regular thing and that we kind find our groove again.

We are reaching our 6th year anniversary and therefore will officially be in our seventh year - the seven year itch perhaps?

There, that wasn't too bad now was it. Hardly any obscenities and blasphemous outbursts at all.



Kelly Azuma said...

I think you're so very lucky :) I don't get any wahoo unless it's a special occasion as in my or his birthday or our anniversary, and in between those times I have to do all the initiations. We've only been married 7 years but already I feel as if sleeping in separate beds is just round the corner! haha ;) In his defence I think he's so shattered from work he doesn't have the energy to lift a finger but hell, take it while you can girl! :) And that's why when you said "nama" I thought of rare is so far from my mind these is so comforting for that! haha ;)

Oyomesan said...

Yup....not getting it up here either...mind you...after a day or work,kittens, Okaasan....I am really not bothered....I'd be happy with a cuddle and a bit of eye contact...

I can't even IMAGINE what it's like trying to find the energy and self-image after parenting 3 kids.

From reading your blog I reckon you and hub are doing pretty good - don't worry!
But I agree that Japanese men are woefully bad at anything apart from the mechanics that they learn from porn...had to educated quite a bit...A Woman Is Not a Shag Machine.