This is a very diluted version of what I would have written had I posted at ten this morning. Please shed some light. Am I being a selfish bitch really and just not seeing the wood through the trees or was my sister out of line?
I booked my tickets yesterday. I rang the pleb at the travel agents and he quoted me more than the air new zealand online site did so I told him to bugger off and that I would book everything by self. In this day and age this should be an easy task. No? Computer? Check. Hub's credit card? Check.
I tried about six times to access the online site and my shite computer wouldn't bring up any of the scroll down fields - as in ahhhhhhhh, departure location, destination, birthday, sex, rahdy rahdy rah. This six times took a lot of patience and over an hour. I got fed up. As you do. So I rang Chiemi and asked to borrow her highly sophisticated techonological setup of cable internet.
She suggested I try yahoo travel, so I did. But no flights on or around or even close to days wanted to go. Back to Air new zealand page and twenty minutes later I had flight booked as well as domestic flights from Fukuoka to Kansai. I arrive at 1:50 pm and international flight leaves at 3:30pm. This should be enough to retrieve bags and check in in specified time yes? I haven't been to Kansai airport since I was 19. Are the domestic and international parts far apart?
Tried to book flights using hub's JCB card but air new zealand sight didn't have it? How shit is that - is the Japanese site after all. Got the domestic ones on it though. Lieing husband can fork out for my overpriced tickets to Kansai.
Anyway, so after a lot of faffing round over the last three weeks I finally have tickets. It is a huuuuuuuuuge relief. Just having some actual dates. When we first found out about mum I wanted to come straight away and got told to hang off till the operation. Was going to book them that night as passport money had gone through so most probable that passport winging way back to Japan - but operation got postponed till following Tuesday.
Was going to book them on Tuesday but got told to hold off till the results from the pathologist were back.
Fuckin pathologist commits suicide and its a few more days till results come out. Chemo and Radio dude isn't coming back with a schedule until after Easter and by then I would have no chance of getting tickets. Especially with Golden Week coming up.
So, to get to the part about argument with sister.
I rang home this morning. For two reasons.
a) to tell them I had my tickets booked. Awesome. What a relief. I can come home finally and see mum and hug mum and talk to mum and start the next step of the process - probably mainly more for me coming to terms with it but also cause hey, I'm pretty sure mum wants to see me and of course meet Ryu. But that could just me being a selfish bitch.
b) to wish my sister a happy birthday - which is today.
When I rang they were all out so I spoke to dad. Told him the dates and that if chemo happened to happen during the time I was home that I wanted to go down to Palmerston North with them and that I had a place to stay and 24/7 friend/nanny. Dad understood. Not a problem.
Talk to sister about an hour later. Mentioned my dates and that arrive at ungodly hour of half five in the morning so taking taxi to friends house - friend who has generously offered to drive me down to mum and dads. Which is great because I really need to catch up with her and give her a big hug too.
I asked sister about the return bit as she had said previously that she might be able to come down to mum and dads with one of her two girls and stay for a couple of days and then drive Ryu and me back up for our flight out of Auckland. I wanted to ask her about this again as otherwise would need to book flight - which is fine. No biggie at all.
Oh! But I'm leaving on a weekday and it might be all too much and if it had been a weekend it would have been OK rah rah. Sorry my return flight is a weekday. I booked what I could. I don't expect her to go out of her way to take me back and if its a big fuckin deal that I should be eternally grateful for then I would rather fly. A lot less hassle.
We then talked about the chemo and stuff and I said that I didn't want anyone to put me into the equation when talking about the schedule for it. It might not even happen while I am there but should the doctor say well you can start treatment on perhaps a monday or a wednesday then not to think about me and that I will fit in with mums schedule - obviously.
Well, I obviously shouldn't have said anything cause she obviously took it the complete wrong way and next thing I got a
" Kate, it's not all about YOU you know. Mum will go in for her radiotherapy and chemo WHEN the doctor says and not around you"
What the bloody fuck fuck fuck??
I was so god damn upset that she would even imply that at this time I would be thinking it was all about bloody me. So upset that I wished her a happy birthday and hung up.
I was really upset though so I txted her saying that I meant the opposite to what she thought I meant and that how could she even say that to me. Also said that I would book flight up to Auck - as obviously going to be big fuckin deal trying to get a ride.
She txted back - saying that I was a mytre (sp? - can't check txt as deleted it) and that organzing things with friends was OK but not family and rah rah rah. Three txts in a row.
I ignored them - got more upset. Had a shower. Had a howl. Got on line and booked flight to Auckland.
Got another txt saying Sorry - why was she sorry? Dad told her she shouldn't have sent the txt. So sorry for sending it. What an appology.
I know she's family and that things with family blow over but at the moment I am fuckin furious. To be said 'it's not all about you' at a time like this and from HER of all bloody family members. Christ. It's been about her for the last god damn six months.
I know they don't understand what its like to be so far away at a time like this. They can't even begin to imagine. I don't begrudge them for that.
I wish I could just see mum and dad and not have to deal with the family bloody politics.
And thats my very trivial rant for the day.
I doubt my sister will read this. She said today that she hadn't seen a picture of Ryu for ages and considering I have posted quite a few over the past couple of months means she isn't checking this very often.
Sometimes I feel like living all the way over here I get emotionally distanced from my family as well.