Wednesday, 24 March 2010

Something has shifted :(

I kind of brought this on myself - in a round about kind of way. But I don't think I deserve this shit - not now. And hub should know this...

I'm closer to tears now than I was writing about mum yesterday. Probably because this feels so 'real'. The here and the now.

What a fuckin wanker.

There may be off the scale amounts of obscenities in this post. I'm sure anyone would swear this much.

The day started off all good - spoke to my sister. Mum is tired and not getting as much pain killers as she would like but otherwise good. Apparantly after brain surgery they are skimp on the pain killers because strong doses can make you a bit not with it - and they need to monitor you and your answers and lucidity. But she is all within the realm of just having had brain surgery patient-ness. Bloody sore head and all.

A friend came to visit and then got email from other friend who gave birth at 5am this morning. Was heading over that way after lunch anyway so went to visit with flowers. Had great story to post about actually getting the flowers but can't be flagged with that now that hub is being such a prick.

Had English. Picked the kids up. Fed them. Bathed them. Put Ryu to bed. And took Marina and Shou for a drive.

I don't know why I felt the need to check up on hub today of all days. Perhaps because it was raining, because I had spoken to him earlier, and perhaps just the feeling. You know. That intuition bullshit that we women are 'blessed' to have.

Ten past seven. I told Granny K I was taking the kids to the next town over to get friend to sign papers for immigration office. She has rung hub before and I didn't want the 'alarm' phone call to him. She seemed fine with the story so off we set.

Drove past hub's office and no car visible but there were a few cars so it could have been hidden amongst the others. Drove on to the pachinko parlor. In one entrance - past where he parked it last time he got caught and around way to the back of the car park.

Low and FUCKIN behold. 97-17. I wasn't surprised I don't think. Shou recognized 'daddy's car' and him and Marina both put on all my wipers, hazzard lights and blinkers while mummy 'moved' daddy's car. Not far - just enough to make him wonder if that was where he had really parked it.

We headed home.

I KNOW he is stressed.

I KNOW he needs release.

But fuck right off - I am at home at the worst time of the day dealing with OUR kids while he is off doing his equivilent of my 'massage, followed by yummy coffee routine' - which I might add has NEVER eventuated. How DARE (sorry - too many capitals but am well fucked off) he think that he deserves this time more than me - now of all fuckin times.

SO anyway - I don't say anything when he rocks in at about 9pm. Hard day was it? Dinner waiting on the table - bath is run, pjs laid out on the sofa, beer in the fridge.

I thought he would clue on after his car was moved and his wipers standing out - but he didn't say anything.

I was just going to leave it for the time being but he made some fuckwit comment about a tv programme. A show about fat girls getting skinny. One girl went from 108kg to 60kg - and looked fabulous. He reckoned she still looked a bit chubby as 60kg is a bit heavy for a chick.


I wasn't even 60kg when we started getting it on. I was 66kg -which by his new standards is OBESE. What i am now - after pushing out three of his children in three years is positively whale-ish. My god, how can he bear the sight of me?

So he said something about the chick, I said something back, he made some stupid remark, and the rest is....

GW: but your a fuckin lier so who cares what you say?
Hub: What?
GW: You're a lier (pants on fire)
Hub: ....
GW: How much did you borrow from bank (found envelope while moving car)
Hub: What? (can you not think up a better response darling)
GW: Did you not click on when you found your car moved?
Hub: What? (fuck already)
GW: So did you win?
Hub: Did you go somewhere tonight?
GW: (is it not fuckin obvious?) Just a drive. Around half seven.
Hub: .... (silence is better than what?)
GW: Why bother to go to the trouble of lieing when you know I know?
Hub: blah blah blah blah, dribble dribbile, rah rah

And then I got so fucked off for him getting angry at ME for checking on him that I did somethine I have NEVER done before - I smacked him round the back of the head. Open handed. Very Japanese smack on the head type thing.


He fuckin well hit me back - Open handed - to the shoulder. So not sore in anyway but there was NO hesitation. He said something along lines of 'Fuck you for smacking me'.

I appologised for hitting him. I shouldn't have. SO I said sorry but that was seriously fucked off he would get angry at me for HIS going to pachinko on the sly. Which of course leads me to believe there has been a lot of it going on. I believe him for last month though as his take home pay was twice what it normally is and that doesn't happen at pachinko. - as in it all came in in the same installment.

He said...

It's good you're going home for your mum's chemo, you should stay there.

Kick that idea in the balls fucker. I'm going to be NICE to you for the next six months until I have gotten my permanent residence visa and then ... then I can stay here with the kids but not with you.

But even that would fuck me off. MY house - I have well spent shitloads of money on this house.

You never know. We might find feet together tonight - I usually go to sleep with my feet touching his.

That or my feet will be slamming into his fuckin balls.

SDGH&QL ladies. Take what you can get of it.

PS - the very sudden comment about weight - from the TV program - do you think this is inkling that he 'likes' - is in the middle of 'liking' someone else? I would have trouble wondering how he had the time to both work, pachinko and fratanize with some skinny tart. But, you never know. He fratanized with me when he wasn't 'officially' divorced.


Anonymous said...

What a fucker. Sorry to say that about your husband.

And Im sorry to say that I did laugh out loud at when you slapped him. But angry he did it back. I want to slap him too. You should organize a "gaijin wifes of Japan" yakuza type hit.

Seriously though, This is absolutely NOT what you need right now. And he is being incredibly insensitive. INCREDIBLY. Im also sure that lying and doing things on the sly are probably not good for your mental health at the moment, which I can only imagine, is shaky. Jesus christ, the last thing you need to be worrying about is hubby, on top of your mother, and everyday kids stuff. I hope your mother in law knows whats going on?

God... I feel angry at him. Men can be such fucking assholes sometimes. Why cant they understand??!!

Gaijin Wife said...

Thankyou Sleepy.
That was the perfect comment :)

Chrysanthemum Mum said...

Jeez, I don't know what to say.....I tuned in expecting to read something very different. Men can be so selfish. I don't think men ever really understand just how hard it is to look after little kids no matter how much they "help out". They still believe that their need to unwind far outweighs the woman's need to take a break.

I think he needs to do some serious grovelling and apologising. You do not deserve this especially now given that you are trying to cope with your mum's illness.

Get that visa, but hold your horses about taking it any further just yet!!!

I am gobsmacked...

Gaijin Wife said...

Thankyou C-mum.
I love my bloggy mum friends. That was another perfect answer. Best I put the chainsaw back in the garage then aye?

ローラ said...

Holy hell what an asshole (I apologize for my name-calling as well).

I was so satisfied when I read that you rightfully smacked him upside the head! But that's a huge thing for him to hit you back....not cool. Your kids were not present, correct? All asleep.

I'm sorry that he doesn't seem to know how much more stress he's causing you, when he's back at pachinko so much. And "inconsiderate" doesn't even cover the whole "60kgs is huge for a woman."

I wish men were forced to live a whole year as a women, or something. After periods, childbirth, and increased emotions - they'd be able to be more empathetic.

Hoping for the best for you and your kids! I'd give you a hug if I was there!

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear that. I hope the physical part of the argument doesn't escalate next time. He's being a dick.

Midori said...

OMG. What total fuckwit male behaviour. Everyone else has said it way better than I could but as someone who had to deal with pachiko-related twat-headedness ALL the time, I feel your pain and I didn`t even have all the other stuff to deal with that you have at the moment. I am appalled that he hit you back as I have always been a firm believer that that should never happen even if you hit them first.

As for the 60kgs thing, that is truly ridiculous. I hate the Japanese obsession with the super skinny. Come and live with me in London for a bit and then you will feel perfectly normal and even on the skinny side again! :-)

(((HUGS))) from me Katy. You deserve love and support at a time like this and I am glad that even if your H isn`t there for you, you have all of us cheering you on from afar!

random_01 said...

My hub told me 6 weeks after having bub # 2 that he was `helping` me by telling me Id better drop the pounds quick because he doesnt want his friends back in Japan to say his wife has got fat. Also kindly suggested not eating margarine, bread or rice, nice. Is it an Oita guy thing??? Im no expert on Japanese men but these Oita guys certainly do seem to live up to the Kyushu danji rep. I totally sympathise with you on this one, felt I was reading about myself in this whole scenario. Lots of luv and empathy!

illahee said...

sorry, but your husband deserves a kick in the taint. with pointy steel-toed shoes. preferably by a big man named bubba. what. a. dickface.

*hugs* so not what you need right now. not that you ever need it, but timing, right??

sometimes, though, we do and say things we wouldn't normally when we're stressed (not trying to defend anyone's actions in this). he owes you a HUGE apology and time for your massage and coffee. times ten. before you go to NZ. *hugs*

Oyomesan said...

He's a total prick.

How could he do this to you at a time when your mum is in hospital?


Is there any chance that you can both go AWAY from the house - somewhere completly neutral like a park or restaurant somewhere and sit across a table and look at eachother's faces and talk about this. Really talk?

And how far along is your Permenent Residence application?

The time to go to New Zealand is so very ripe - he needs time alone at home with his mother and the kids....and YOU need time away with loving family )even if it is for a stressful reason!).

Be strong, be strong - there are a lot of us out here for you.

Sara said...

Gosh GW not what I expected to read on your blog as I was hoping the universe would be giving you a break what with all the other crappy crappy crap going on.

Annoyed by the skinny thing... I don't think I'll ever see 60kg ever again either... but I was about 72 and looked perfectly healthy and fine.. but I guess tpeople just get hung up on stupid numbers. Anyways being told that is never good...

I'm venturing a guess that pachinko is hub's stress/pleasure outlet so I think it would be unlikely he had some other "ventures" going on. I really hope you get all your NZ stuff figured out soon cause it sounds like you need to deal with the stuff at home and maybe catch a break on running after 3 kids and dealing with a hub who is getting a C- on behavior.

Lulu said...

What a tosser. I would be SOOOOOOOOOOOO pissed off and you do not need this kind of shit right now.

I hope to god he pulls his head in and gets his shit together because I am not sure he realizes what he will be losing if he doesn`t.

I agree with what Ilahee said also though- I hope he apoligizes because he should.

ps: I hit Shun sometimes when I get pissed. Kind of like you, a slap to the back of the head kind of thing.

Bryn said...

WHAT A PRICK! I don't trust myself to say more than that, you know where my tolerance level is right now for all things related to selfish-insensitive-assclowns!

This is the last thing you need right now! Huge {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

Def. don't do anything to shoot yourself in the foot, but there's nothing wrong w/ formulating a "GW breaking free of the bullshit" plan just in case you need one later on, but I truly hope last night found your feet tucked snuggly together!

Next time you find his car at pachinko, let the air out two of his tires! It's a harmless, but completely satisfying revenge! (Especially if you do it several times a month! LOL)

kasandora said... sorry this is happening at all...let alone right now. hope you are coping ok. I'm thinking of you.

Nay said...

Wish that I too could use all those not so nice words to describe your hubby's actions but I think they have already been said by everyone else.

Why is it that when you really need your DH to be understanding/considerate/honest, they go and do completely the opposite thing!?! Do they have some sort of idiot radar or something...

*BIG HUGS* to you Katy!!

Trisha said...

As if you didn't already have enough on your plate. I hope tha tthings are better today. Big hugs and good vibes your way!

umebossy said...

I'm really sorry to hear that you've had this shit thrown at you on top of everything else that's going on. So not what you need and he should know by now that you're going to find out and it would just be so much better if he told you up front that he needed a couple of hours to blow off steam.

Do you think it's just a stress relief/relaxation thing for him or could it be something more? My dad was pretty addicted to gambling when I was younger and it caused a huge strain on my parents' marriage.

Really hope today is a better day for you!

L. said...

Before I leave the personal part of the comment, I will say (in a general way, since over the course of our 19-year marriage a few blows were landed, and MANY dishes were broken), I think hitting between adults is generally not ideal, and hitting back is not ideal -- but I don't think a man has any particular obligation not to hit a woman back just because she's a woman -- he shouldn't hit back a man OR a woman, in the interest of preventing a bad situation from getting further out of hand, if it has escalated to hitting. My own personal code of hitting, in other words, is gender-neutral.

But what's NOT gender-neutral is that sometimes men JUST DON'T GET IT, and this post is a classic example of it! I mean, the weight comment -- WTF???? And no matter how much he insists on telling himself his pachinko indulgence to be "harmless fun," how DENSE can he be, not to realize the harm it causes you???? Ahhhhhhhh, this makes me want to go home and hit MY husband, just for being male (and in blatant disregard of my ideal, gender-neutral non-violent approach, set forth above, ha).

Anonymous said...

Everyone has said it so well, just adding in my bit of support.
I hope things get better in terms of hub actually having a bit of forethought..(doesn`t seem to happen much with men tho does it..)
Here`s for a better rest of week/month/year xx

Corinne said...

Sorry if you've made up already but what a fucking wanker! I too can not say anything in support as well as others but men and their need to think having a penis entitles them to be selfish arseholes pisses me off so much. And he was being well out of order with hitting back, he deserved much more than a slap in the head.
I'm all up for a gaijin mafia, we can use the fact that we don't all weigh 60kgs and will actually be able to kick these bastards arses!