I kind of brought this on myself - in a round about kind of way. But I don't think I deserve this shit - not now. And hub should know this...
I'm closer to tears now than I was writing about mum yesterday. Probably because this feels so 'real'. The here and the now.
What a fuckin wanker.
There may be off the scale amounts of obscenities in this post. I'm sure anyone would swear this much.
The day started off all good - spoke to my sister. Mum is tired and not getting as much pain killers as she would like but otherwise good. Apparantly after brain surgery they are skimp on the pain killers because strong doses can make you a bit not with it - and they need to monitor you and your answers and lucidity. But she is all within the realm of just having had brain surgery patient-ness. Bloody sore head and all.
A friend came to visit and then got email from other friend who gave birth at 5am this morning. Was heading over that way after lunch anyway so went to visit with flowers. Had great story to post about actually getting the flowers but can't be flagged with that now that hub is being such a prick.
Had English. Picked the kids up. Fed them. Bathed them. Put Ryu to bed. And took Marina and Shou for a drive.
I don't know why I felt the need to check up on hub today of all days. Perhaps because it was raining, because I had spoken to him earlier, and perhaps just the feeling. You know. That intuition bullshit that we women are 'blessed' to have.
Ten past seven. I told Granny K I was taking the kids to the next town over to get friend to sign papers for immigration office. She has rung hub before and I didn't want the 'alarm' phone call to him. She seemed fine with the story so off we set.
Drove past hub's office and no car visible but there were a few cars so it could have been hidden amongst the others. Drove on to the pachinko parlor. In one entrance - past where he parked it last time he got caught and around way to the back of the car park.
Low and FUCKIN behold. 97-17. I wasn't surprised I don't think. Shou recognized 'daddy's car' and him and Marina both put on all my wipers, hazzard lights and blinkers while mummy 'moved' daddy's car. Not far - just enough to make him wonder if that was where he had really parked it.
We headed home.
I KNOW he is stressed.
I KNOW he needs release.
But fuck right off - I am at home at the worst time of the day dealing with OUR kids while he is off doing his equivilent of my 'massage, followed by yummy coffee routine' - which I might add has NEVER eventuated. How DARE (sorry - too many capitals but am well fucked off) he think that he deserves this time more than me - now of all fuckin times.
SO anyway - I don't say anything when he rocks in at about 9pm. Hard day was it? Dinner waiting on the table - bath is run, pjs laid out on the sofa, beer in the fridge.
I thought he would clue on after his car was moved and his wipers standing out - but he didn't say anything.
I was just going to leave it for the time being but he made some fuckwit comment about a tv programme. A show about fat girls getting skinny. One girl went from 108kg to 60kg - and looked fabulous. He reckoned she still looked a bit chubby as 60kg is a bit heavy for a chick.
I wasn't even 60kg when we started getting it on. I was 66kg -which by his new standards is OBESE. What i am now - after pushing out three of his children in three years is positively whale-ish. My god, how can he bear the sight of me?
So he said something about the chick, I said something back, he made some stupid remark, and the rest is....
GW: but your a fuckin lier so who cares what you say?
GW: You're a lier (pants on fire)
GW: How much did you borrow from bank (found envelope while moving car)
Hub: What? (can you not think up a better response darling)
GW: Did you not click on when you found your car moved?
Hub: What? (fuck already)
GW: So did you win?
Hub: Did you go somewhere tonight?
GW: (is it not fuckin obvious?) Just a drive. Around half seven.
Hub: .... (silence is better than what?)
GW: Why bother to go to the trouble of lieing when you know I know?
Hub: blah blah blah blah, dribble dribbile, rah rah
And then I got so fucked off for him getting angry at ME for checking on him that I did somethine I have NEVER done before - I smacked him round the back of the head. Open handed. Very Japanese smack on the head type thing.
He fuckin well hit me back - Open handed - to the shoulder. So not sore in anyway but there was NO hesitation. He said something along lines of 'Fuck you for smacking me'.
I appologised for hitting him. I shouldn't have. SO I said sorry but that was seriously fucked off he would get angry at me for HIS going to pachinko on the sly. Which of course leads me to believe there has been a lot of it going on. I believe him for last month though as his take home pay was twice what it normally is and that doesn't happen at pachinko. - as in it all came in in the same installment.
It's good you're going home for your mum's chemo, you should stay there.
Kick that idea in the balls fucker. I'm going to be NICE to you for the next six months until I have gotten my permanent residence visa and then ... then I can stay here with the kids but not with you.
But even that would fuck me off. MY house - I have well spent shitloads of money on this house.
You never know. We might find feet together tonight - I usually go to sleep with my feet touching his.
That or my feet will be slamming into his fuckin balls.
SDGH&QL ladies. Take what you can get of it.
PS - the very sudden comment about weight - from the TV program - do you think this is inkling that he 'likes' - is in the middle of 'liking' someone else? I would have trouble wondering how he had the time to both work, pachinko and fratanize with some skinny tart. But, you never know. He fratanized with me when he wasn't 'officially' divorced.