Saturday, 13 March 2010

Coping

Not a better day than yesterday. There will never be the 'day I found out' again and as days go it was pretty horrendous but there will be worse.

I woke up and for a brief second the world was normal.

And then you remember.

Yesterday wasn't just a dream - or a nightmare.

It really happened. And somehow we have to adjust our lives to cope. To give the support that needs to be given. I don't even know what that support is or if infact I will even be able to give it.

This is the big one. The person who gave you life. Who you complain about and bitch about but love with a passion, unconditionally. This isn't supposed to happen. Not yet anyway. It hasn't 'happened' yet but the journey has begun.

And I'm not there.

So much going, so much to take in. I can't begin to imagine what the rest of the family is going through - being there. 'living' it every day. Here, in my isolated paddy in Japan I can have pockets of time where I forget. Kids help with that too. You can't break down in front of a three year old. I have once - and Shou - well he came straight over and gave me a big hug and told me to 'genki dashite'.

Marina.....

Didn't come near me and had a look of 'pull it together, you're the mother here'. Her look made me laugh but so I guess it had the right effect. Ryu - he laughs at anything. And I hope he is still laughing at everything when him and I go home in a few weeks. Me thinks New Zealand Granny needs her some cute grandson baby laughs.

Who doesn't.

SDGH&QL

PS - got seriously the worst passport photo in the history of passport photos today. If there was a 'passport photo wrecks' page I would spend the 48 hours it would no doubt take my computer to upload it! What do you know and everything I own expires in June - passport, visas. Sending off for new passport on Monday. Lets hope next weeks tests don't mean I should be flying home before my passport gets back. They will send my old passport back with my new one aye? So I can get the visas transferred - even though have to go apply for new one.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Many hugs to you GW. I know first hand how crappy it is to
be so far from home...
Thinking of you
Brit

Trisha said...

Seems like you are doing your best, but I know how hard it must be for you now. Your body in one place and your heart in another. YKeeping you in my thoughts.

tj-injapan said...

Thinking of you mate. I am sure it is going to be a long couple of days/weeks for you. Call me whenever if you need to chat.

Was just thinking about the visa/re-entry permit. Had a quick internet search and it seems that you wouldn't have to worry about the expiry date of that, and that you can use it up until June, like the very last day it is valid until. http://www.us.emb-japan.go.jp/english/html/travel_and_visa/visa/faq.htm

About your passport validity and if a certain amount of time is required on it to get back into japan, I couldnt find anything, but before you send your docs off to get a new passport, why don't you just check with Immigration (can you ring them tomorrow?? or first thing monday) If you dont need to renew your passport it would be one less hassle/stress, right!? hope it works out.

colorbynumbers said...

You and your family are in my thoughts, take care.

illahee said...

*hugs* i'm sorry to hear things are still dark. i'm thinking of you!

let me know if you still want us to visit next week!

colorbynumbers said...

You and your family are in my thoughts..take care

Fiona Levens said...

Its been said by many of the other commenters, but also you are in my thoughts.

I hope you continue to stay strong, and that the kids continue to give you just a few seconds or minutes of normality from your dark place.

Brenda said...

I'm sorry to hear things aren't better. Thinking of you and hoping for the better days soon.

Anonymous said...

Hello,

I have been following your blog for a while (since I also live in Oita-ken). Ever since I got my own "phone call"

I am so sorry for the hard ship that your family is going through. I hope that everything works out and that you can find peace with the situation.

thefukases said...

Thinking of you all and glad you will be able to get back. Some baby smiles and some GW love will surely make things a little less grey...

And the passport photo? I may give you a run for your money- I have one that was developed too quickly and my skin is green! You show me yours and I7ll show you mine! ;P

JRS said...

I got the "Mom has terminal pancreatic cancer" call while I was living in Hokkaido. Thus followed an absolute hell that I'm still, almost 5 years after that day, dealing with on a daily basis. I really feel for you. While your logistics are more complicated--it's just me so flying back and forth all during her illness was something I could do--it's wonderful that you have a family in Japan to, as you wrote, give you hugs and tell you to be genki! I hope everything works out.

Kelly Azuma said...

It's really hard to be away from your family when they get sick, we went through that last year with yasu's parents and it was really hard for him. I'll be putting you and your family in my prayers. I hope you have a safe trip home.

kuri, ping & the pinglet said...

The phone call is what I dread most. I am thinking of you and your family and hope that the tests come back OK to give you a bit more time to get your passport and other papers in order.

Sarah said...

Good luck with the documents and my thoughts are with you.

Just one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Take each "challenge" as it comes, and get lots of cuddles from the kids.

Violet said...

GW, I'm thinking of you and wishing all the best for your family. You do need 6 mths validity on your passport for reentry but if its an emergency and you can't wait for a new passport you can always call the Embassy and ask for an ETD - the cost of which is then deducted from the fee for your new passport (which you could get while in NZ).

Bryn said...

Oh GW, I'm so sorry! Massive {{{HUGS}}}.

So glad you've been able to work out away to go to NZ, wish I lived close enough to help out w/ the other kiddos!

Anonymous said...

Oh, have so been there and done that. My heart goes out to you, GW. I'm so glad you are able to go home. (You will be surprised how happy people—e.g.consular officials, airlines—are to help, so don't hesitate to ask!)

Chrysanthemum Mum said...

Jeez, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's the phone call we all dread receiving. I hope you get all your documents in order. Thinking of you

Sara said...

Thinking of you and hoping all the visa/passport/re-entry goes smoothly.

Baby smiles and mama genki dashites are so important now.

HUGS

Anonymous said...

Sorry, anonymous above at 12:09 Sunday afternoon is Floria in Tokyo. I hate anonymous comments!

Rachel said...

I remember my phone call...

I hope to see Jo some time this week, when are you free?