Sunday, 14 March 2010

Another Day

Another day - slipping in, slipping out, is it real, is it not, kids playing up, forget for five minutes, get some me time, remember...

Hub took the kids out for a couple of hours this morning and Ryu slept while I did some work. Tis a good mind user - the one I have on is due on Thursday. That big 145 page one. I decided to keep it on as very easy and fills time. The urgent one I got on Friday morning I sent back just as urgently on Friday afternoon after 'the phonecall'. They understand though and have sent a flag out to the other project managers to not email me for work until I am ready.

This afternoon Ryu and I went to Jo's to get her to sign 'the ugliest passport photo in the history of passport photos' - she was quite impressed and only just agreed on signing it as 'true likeness'. Her kids were home which was good as meant that I couldn't break down the minute I walked in the door like I thought I might.

I spoke to my sister this morning. She was feeling the effects of a hard night last night with her hub and her best friend. And not the go out and dance till dawn type of hard night but the teary cry till you've got no tears left, talk till you've got no voice left, drink till you've got no wine left type of hard night.

I need one of those I do. Unfortunately circumstances don't allow it - what with best friends being thousands of miles away and all. I have more of a teary cry till your child or your mother in law walks in, talk to yourself in your head so as not to scare your children, drink till you've got no asahi left type of nights - although Friday and Saturday night I was in bed before hub with not much drowning of sorrows.

I did a wee internet search. The internet search is a dangerous thing though. I spoke to my dad yesterday. Having a doctor as a dad could be very annoying sometimes - as in those days you want to skive off school and pull a sicky but dad always checking your glands and upon declaring you fit sends you off to school. But, getting older, having miscarriages, a daughter with a dicey kidney, a mother with a tumor and doctor dads are good things to have.

Dad has the best bedside manner. He explains everything to you as if you have no idea about anything - which I don't. He somehow makes things sound 'manageable' when probably they are not. I don't know how he kept it together to have the half an hour or so conversation with me yesterday. Lord knows I didn't. So thank you Dad.

I have spoken to a lot of my friends who have phoned - I tend to break down at the same part in the conversation everytime. But don't worry, I haven't got many friends left so won't have to go through too many more times.

The kids all wrote New Zealand Granny a picture tonight. Even Ryu - or rather he tried to eat the crayon and then screwed up the piece of paper. But we'll send it anyway :)

Fuck, I still can't believe it.

But thank you lovely readers for all your comments. It helps - every one helps it does. I know I'm shit at replying to comments and commenting on other blogs but reading your comments these past few days has really helped me pull through. Just knowing that other people are thinking of me or have been through the same thing makes a huge difference. So, thank you.

Sweet Dreams, Tremendously Excellent and Good Health, and Quiet Living to you all.

Katy.

13 comments:

Nay said...

Oh Katy, my heart is going out for you right now... I wish there was something I could do to make this easier on you. I wish that I lived closer and could come and help with the kiddies or cook a meal or just sit with you and listen to you get stuff off your chest.

I can't begin to imagine how hard this must be for you. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers X0X0

Gaijin Wife said...

Thankyou Nay - what you can do for me is look after yourself littly lady. Not long until you will be a mummy - and that my friend is the best moment of your life.

Tigermama said...

I'm so sorry. Unfortunately, I too am familiar with this horrible situation and I just want to say never give up hope (not that you are!). Prayers, positive thoughts, and love can heal even the most dire diagnosis. I've seen it! Hugs.
Tigermama.

Sarah said...

Knowing what you're dealing with is important, but the internet is NOT a good way of getting diagonsis! Glad your dad is explaining things.

I've been through the mum with a brain tumor thing and it isn't fun, to say the least. Surround yourself with those you love and take each day as it comes.

Brenda said...

If comments are helping you get through this, then I'll keep them coming! My heart goes out to you and your family and you are all in my thoughts and prayers. Thinking about you and your situation made me give Akinori a stern talking to today when he got snippy with his mother on the phone. Thank you for reminding us of what's important!

Oyomesan said...

You need to cry and cry and cry....but it is hard being here in Japan.
Last year with Dad's death I didn't really cry until I was there in England in his house and talking to people who knew him and being in places he loved.
You need a good howl sooner or later.....can you get out into the countryside for a bit and howl at the moon???
When my mother died 15 years ago and I was here in Sapporo I went to a suburban park and sat in the bushes and howled.

PLEASE howl somewhere!

Jen B said...

Hey there, it seems like quite a few of us have received "the call" too early in our lives; I went through it too.

It's hard and unreal, and you muddle through each day even if you think you aren't.

Gentle thoughts to you and to your mum.

anchan said...

GW, I've been out of the loop for a week and dropped by to catch up... I'm so sorry. My tears are falling for you. Praying especially for you and your family xxx

Anonymous said...

I've been lurking on your blog for ages and I just wanted to send some love your way. I lost my aunt to cancer last year, and my dad has been fighting it for several years. Take care of yourself, do what you need to even if that is breaking down for a little while.

Corinne said...

I can't imagine how shite it must feel to be so far away :( I'm so glad your dad could help you work through some of it though. My thoughts are with you too.

Violet said...

I'm so sorry this is happening it's just not fair is it? There is no rhyme or reason to these things...
And thank you so much for taking the time to comment on my blog when you've got so much going on.
And yes, I guess little boys are the same everywhere although at the dinner table tonight when Hub said "I wonder what other parents do when their kids are like this", I found myself saying "I don't think other kids are this bad"....

Lisa said...

I'm so sorry to hear this - my thoughts are with you and your family.

Kaba said...

So so sorry for you. I went through it last year with my grandma. Though it happened almost a year ago I still find myself starting to cry out of the blue. I can't imagine how much harder it must be with your mom. My heart goes out to you. All the strength in the world to you.