Saturday, 10 October 2009

Negative


So it seems I couldn't hold out and had to go and buy a 'clear blue' test. Hub did not seem to be at all sympathetic about the whole thing. As it happens the test was negative and even though I did it five days after instead of the stated one week I'm sure if I was pregnant the hormones would have kicked in enough to register a faint line.

That said, I bought a box with two tests so no doubt if I am still period-less by the end of next week sometime I will do the other one!

I must have peed on nearly twenty of those damn sticks over the last five years! That’s 150 dollars worth of pee stick.

It's funny, in the few days since I thought the 'what if I'm pregnant' thought I have felt a mix of feelings. When I suggested the 'what if' to hub yesterday he just fobbed me off as being ridiculous because we had been safe and he hoped I wasn't trying to trick him like with Ryu??

OK, so I admit my timing with Ryu was off but it wasn't a 'trick'. And why on earth would I be tricking him so that I could be the proud owner of a tummy and saloon doors that had fed and pushed out four babies in four years? Joke would be on me I think.

But back to those mix of feelings. I had the good side...

1. I am one of four and I would like to think I have great relationship with my brother and sisters - more so now that we are older. There is a ten-year gap between the oldest and youngest though.
2. Gotta love baby rolls
3. If it was a girl Marina would have a sister and I think sisters are important

And that was about as far as the good side got. On the other side...
1. fuck
2. shit
3. bugger and
4. mental asylum

or rather...

1. four kids still in some stage of nappies, three unable to dress themselves properly, two unable to walk,...
2. four car seats
3. Ryu would miss out on all the boob I had promised him as the last child.
4. Hub and I wouldn't get back to sleeping in the same bed for another year!!
5. I sometimes think number 4 would be a good thing!
6. getting pregnant on top of the weight I haven't lost could well mean I never recover
7. NEVER be able to afford a whole family trip back to New Zealand

and the list goes on.

So, at least a negative test means I am saved the choice. I am almost certain I would have made the decision to not continue with the pregnancy but there would always have been that tiny slither of doubt and what if.

Anyhooo, hub being a bit of a twat today so almost glad he will be away the whole day tomorrow, out weed eating the mountain road. Coffee Chiemi (who couldn't go out for drinkies tonight) and her boys might be coming over to play on the adventure play lodge and swing and slide set tomorrow. That will break up my day with three kids on my own - hub is leaving at 6 am and thinks will take all day, followed by BBQ - to which he will take Shou hopefully.

Finished New Zealand citizenship and passport application for Ryu last night - just need to get a 'koseki tohon' (family register) on Tuesday and then send it off. It was super quick with Marina, only taking two weeks. My passport runs out in June next year so I might apply for my permanent residency to coincide with getting a new one.

Right, off to surf the net for cut cartoons of crabs for Marina's birthday invites!

Nighty night campers.

SDGH&QL


2 comments:

illahee said...

congratulations!! uh...you know what i mean. seriously though, most likely a hormonal shift and if you're really lucky, aunt flo will stay away a few months longer. i remember getting my head tripped with hiro, and i only had the one!

phew!

colorbynumbers said...

hey, good to hear, but can understand the slither of doubt feelings.
*hugs* for everything :)