Thursday, 1 October 2009

Gastric Bands and Filing Cabinets

I wasn't in a good place for about ten minutes yesterday morning - the whole, hub is going to be a busy bastard for the next year took over and I started wondering how I was going to manage. Really, in all truthfulness, it is just the nights. The five through to eight. Picking up, dinner, bath and bed for Marina and Shou while juggling Ryu between Granny, the bath and my boob,not to mention the two evenings I have English until five. Throw in a bit of oinky flu (which isn't doing the rounds yet but it's only a matter of time), endless runny noses, nights of vomiting, trying to get Shou out of nappies at night which will in turn lead to having the washing machine on all day, in between trying keep the house in some kind of order, and remembering to wash and clean self. Hub will be lucky to be fed and will have to look after his own shit by himself - poor man.

So, while I was thinking all this I reached for a pair of jeans out of the mess of clothes in the closet and tried to put them on. I just about cried when they almost cut me in two. I shouldn't have looked in the mirror but I did and that just made it worse. Despite being pair of pre pre pre pregnancy (as in before Shou) jeans still made me feel like fat whale.

I was brinking on the edge of either having to go downstairs and skull half a bottle of manuka honey vodka (the only alcohol in the house - well along with the fejoa stuff) or pulling myself out of "fat stay at home mummy with three kids under four living with mother in law in house built by crap builder in town where the only shoes you can buy are rice planting fucking slippers in a country where everyone speaks a language that is not my mother tongue" black hole.

And here I am - holding onto the side of the hole with one arm. God help anyone who tries to stand on my fingers. Need to find my go go gadget arm to help me get out - that and some serious changes.

In midst of despair I had brief thought that what if I couldn't make it through the year and me and the kids did end up singing 'leaving on a jet plane' all the way to Fukuoka airport?? Had to quickly bang head on closest wall to remind self that would be worse off in New Zealand as at least here the kids have a grandparent who actually enjoys their company and, eventhough she might grumble about it sometimes, agrees to watch the kids (as long as its not Shou) on demand. Oh, that and fact that over here I can swear at everyone and get away with it.

bugger, shit, fucking wanker bloody asshole

I realised that when I get like this - when things are almost too much - there are a couple of things that add to it - always.

1. Being a fat bitch
2. Being disorganized

Tertiary educated smart woman that I am, I am also aware that as soon as these two things have been sorted a new two things will take their place. As humans I think we are programed to always want more. Once I have a,b and c everything will be OK. But, one can live in hope - and therefore I AM GOING TO SORT these two things out.

Nothing a gastric band and a filing cabinet can't fix surely?

In seriousness though I did look up filing cabinets yesterday. Mum always had one and I used to think it was cool - all those folders with their own labels!! Now that we are a family of five there is a lot of shit that can't just be thrown out - as much as I would like to. It seems that I can fix this problem for about 30,000 yen. Cheap at the price. Actually doing the filing shit will be fun - I like that kind of thing. Think I could file a whole bottle of sav away. Actually looking quite forward to it!

Being organized also means ALL my English stuff. I have said this before and no doubt I will say it again but still, need to remind self.

As for the weight - as of today I am resurrecting 'Gaijinwife gets skinny'. I will keep a food log and be as truthful as I can. I realise no point to lieing about what have eaten as am just lieing to self but come on - you know those times when you go to have one oreo and all of a sudden the whole pack is gone. OK, so maybe I'll write those down too.

I don't plan on rambling on about my weight on here but maybe an update every so often.

Anyway, about yesterday..

Granny K brought up the stuttering and we had to have a talk about it as she had said that she had sat Shou down and told him to be quiet and look at her mouth as she said the word. We are now on more common ground and actually yesterday and this morning have been good. There have been a couple of instances but nothing really big. There has also been a lot of singing!! Even hub has been hashing songs on purpose. Shou must think the two of us a complete plebs. Can't even remember what color the tulip line up is!!

As predicted my five year olds English class kids wanted to play outside on the awesome adventure play lodge with swing and slide set - which they did. In the rain. Took two of them home after class with wet bums and grass stains on their knees.

Hub was home late again but Granny K gave Ryu a piggy back - thats so not what an 'ombu' is - what is a better way?? Strapped to her back in a baby sling thing. and he fell asleep so that's where he stayed while I sorted out Marina and Shou having dinner and getting in the bath. Shou in bath, Marina in bath, Shou out of bath, mummy and Ryu in bath, Ryu out of bath, Marina and mummy out of bath. Marina went to bed at seven and hub arrived home just in time to put Shou down while I put Ryu down.

Hub went out to buy a beer or two as figured last day in history of fat whale mummy that will be allowed one. We were watching 'LOST' when Granny K came in with a music sheet for lyrics of song that some man was singing on TV at that exact moment - switched channels. She asked hub if he knew what it was about. They debated about it for a few minutes but from what I could gather...

Song was written by mother for her son, saying how excited she was when he was born but that raising him hadn't always been a box of roses. Now that she was getting old she hoped that he would be there for her rah rah.


After Granny K had gone I asked hub if perhaps she was trying to tell us something. I hadn't heared any change my nappies and spoon feed me mush during the song but perhaps I was missing something? He said she just wanted to say something about raising kids not being easy. I'm still not convinced it wasn't more of a plea to look after her when she is old and decrepit instead of taking the vestling home option.

Anyway, she went straight from mid sentence in that to talking about the ground golf competition she is in this Friday.

God I hope she can keep it together for the next year - next five would be good. As one of the kindy teachers said to me yesterday, I need to get better at 'using' her to my advantage. Having to live with her for the time being is something I can't change so may as well make the best of it.

Anyway, enough ramblings for one morning me thinks. Have three English classes today one of which finishes at half five. Don't get kids back here till five forty five and then hub would like to take Shou to the wannabe obligatory voluntary fire brigade meeting at the noddy fire engine shack - that starts at six. I realise he offered to take Shou to help me out but he has 'requested' that Shou be fed by five to six - which is when he will rock up home to get changed and head out again. I will have approximately eight and a half minutes to put food on plates and feed children.


That's me going slightly insane.

Do men even think?



illahee said...

it sounds rough, but remember that the kids are growing up, too! i always think it's gonna be really hard but then sasha surprises me with a big sister role, or hiro wants to do the vacuuming, or whatever. if things get really dire, then maybe i can come and visit!

Sara said...

hi GW
sorry to hear you are slipping into the black hole of dispair. if you make it in you'll be in good company (i pop in from time to time as well)

i hear you on the weight thing. i tried on some prepregnancy clothes for the first time yesterday to absolutely disasterous results. i should join you on the eating healthy thingy but im too lazy to do that right now... somehow a packet of crips and cookies seem like an easier meal than making some steamed veggies or expensive fruits. horrible i know

you've got a lot going on this upcoming year with hubs job but after that maybe it will be smooth sailing? now that i have at least 5 more years in the god forsaken inaka I am trying to calm myself by telling myself there will be an end.

and my inaka home in niigata is always open incase all the NZ flights are booked up ;)

thefukases said...

I would pack Shou off witha banana and an onigiri and look all innocent- "but honey, it should only take 8 minutes to eat it right? He can do it in the car/ when you get there...." ;P

The slippery slope sucks doesn't it. Personally I wouldn't add any more stresses and night dryness is definitely a stressful thing for me. When we were struggling with Meg (she was going to have to use geriatric nappies if we didn't hurry up as she was out of kid's sizes) the health centre suggested training while in pullups- do the whole sticker chart/ go before bed/ wake her to pee thing but in pullups. Certainly saved on laundry!!

Hope today's a better day. :)

medea said...

I hate the witching hour! The kids just go mental. No wonder the teachers are always so happy to give my kids up when I'm off work in the evening.
I've been coveting this filing cabinet. I already have one, now I need another. I also find it's a good idea to schedule a day (google mail!) to file everything, otherwise they just sit in my inbox for months. :)

Jo Tomooka said...

Sounds like you need to come for a break by yourself on Sunday! Hope things pick up soon. I went and had my creaky knees x-rayed today and was politely told the only real way to do anything about them would be to "control my weight".... perhaps I'll be joining you in the diet line soon - as soon as I can walk again!
Sorry we got cut off today on the phone - I couldn't work out what happened... if you have the next Outrageous Fortune DVD it might keep me off my feet a little longer..... hint, hint, hint!

Chrysanthemum Mum said...

Jeez, I can't imagine doing the whole dinner bath bed routine with three kids. I struggle to do it and I've only got two kids! The night times are the worst.

It took me ages to calm down about the apartment not looking perfect. The endless domesticity is depressing at times, but the kids like to help with the hoovering which is nice. Though they also like to empty their clothes out of their drawers and create a mountain in the middle of their bedroom floor..AAArrrrh! Deep is not important in the big scheme of things....Cut (very BIG) corners, act like a man and pretend you can't SEE the mess.

I agree you should pack Shou off with a sarnie/onigiri/banana and he can eat on the go. We eat on the go all the time. We would never get out of the house some days if we ate all our meals at the dining table!

Hang in there. Hope today is a better day. Good luck with the healthy diet regime too!

Anonymous said...

sounds very rough..especially feeling like you have no family support (your own side) and dealing with all and sundry day in and day out mostly alone.
I can only imagine how your are feeling but sending big hugs and gambatte your way.
Being the strong woman that I read from your blogs I`m sure you`ll pull through.

Lulu said...

Oh something to look forward to- the feeding, bathing and bedding the kids without the hubs at home since Shun will never finish work in time. Stupid salarymen.

Like Sara said, sorry to hear you are slipping into the black hole of despair...That sucks. Hopefully you will find away to crawl out soon.

I am with you on the organizing thing- I feel so much more at peace when things are organized. We do not have filing cabinets but I do have two of those fold out filing folder things- unfortunately I file everything in English so Shun can not find anything by himself. Even if it was in Japanese though I doubt he could find anything by himself- he is a man after all.

Midori said...

I have no words of wisdom as outside of work I am one of the most disorganised people I know. (I seem to use all my organisation skills for work itself!) I do think you are too hard on yourself though, I am always amazed by how much you have to do and how well you cope and that is just through reading your blog! I imagine the reality is even crazier than what you blog about.

The feeling fat thing is probably also a product of being in Japan and surrounded by teeny tiny people all the time. It took me a LONG time to stop feeling massive when I moved back to the UK and when I was in Japan last October I noticed that even in just a week I started to feel fat and yucky again, even though I was perfectly happy with myself when I was back in the UK. (Same weight so it had to be psychological!)

As for night-time potty training, I came to the conclusion at one point that spending the money on pull-ups for the night was much less stressful that washing the sheets all the time. Joey was technically "trained" to go to the toilet himself at night but it was just hard work on the rare occasion that he wet the bed so I stopped worrying about it and just let him sleep in pull-ups for far longer than he really needed to!

Brit in Hokkaido said...


You seriously rock; don't forget that.

I can offer no advice as a mother, but as a Kindy teacher, a lot of my three year olds who are toilet trained wear Pull Ups for school trips, just incase the toilet facilities are too difficult for them to use (eg nasty nasty toilet in the park that's also a squatter to boot) and the mothers all say that they used them at night too long after the child was toilet trained.