Tuesday, 27 October 2009

30 Point Morning

This morning was pretty spectacular. One thing led to another led to another and I would say all up that I broke every scream-free parenting and good parenting rule in the book. The authors of that book either ever only had one child or popped prozac before they got out of bed in the morning. I guess I could get up, make some herbal tea, do some deep breathing techniques and give myself a pep talk on how lucky I am. Unfortunately I very rarely remember this routine and today it ended as...

1. Ryu not sleeping again. I was awake from half one to four. Sleep deprivation is a known torture technique. I can understand why. It really breaks you.
2. The kids were horrid at breakfast.
3. Shou threw a toy deliberately on Ryu's head (again) and got his toys taken off him and put up high - which led to awesome tantrum - which led to mummy putting him in the hall and closing the door - and leaning on it.
4. Ryu went down to sleep at seven - he was knackered. As you would expect.
5. Granny K was meant to be here to keep an eye on Shou so I could take Marina to kindy.
6. She didn't show - she was out digging spuds.
7. I LEFT Ryu sleeping upstairs while I took Shou with me to drop Marina at kindy. I remember my mum telling me one time that she left my sister while she ran down to the shop for some ciggies. I thought this was appaling. I still do. I am ashamed that I have done something I never thought I would do.
8. Before I left Ryu alone I checked Granny K's room for anything that could start a fire while I was away. Ended up having to turn off her IH - which she had left on.
9. While Shou was waiting in the car while I took Marina to kindy he set the extremely loud car alarm off.
10. Twice.
11. Just as all the primary school kids were arriving.
12. Three teachers came out to see what was going on.
13. Got home in eight minutes flat - drove like madwoman (equally putting my other two kids in danger) to get home as soon as possible, scared that within the time I was away there would be an earthquake, flood or hurricane and I wouldn't be able to save Ryu and would forever be blaming myself for not just waking him up and putting him in his carseat and taking him with us.

14. Shou was meant to be playing quietly on the deck while I washed some dishes. I had to take him to the dentist but we had half an hour or so together at home beforehand.
15. Asking a three year old boy to play quietly is like asking an alcoholic to please not drink that bottle of that there vodka sitting right in front of you.
16. Fuckin impossible.
17. Came outside and he was in the local hall carpark ten metres away with his pants round his ankles about to take a pee.
18. Just as six cars decided to go past.
19. I somehow get him back and we manage to save a bit of face by him only peeing on our front lawn.
20. He packed a sad about something
21. I packed a sad about something
22. I 'forcefully' put my coffee cup in the sink, making it land funny and the last two tablespoons of coffee somehow manage to magically all fly out of cup and onto self, wall and floor.
23. Bugger shit, wanking fucker.
24. I leave Ryu asleep with Granny K, who is back with a wheelbarrow full of spuds, while I take Shou to the dentist.
25. Shou is the picture of perfect three year old boys.
26. He sits in the chair and gets his checkup and one small filling without flinching.
27. My heart swells with parental pride.
28. Despite fact that my son is getting his first filling (the literature in the waiting room says the average number of fillings for a three year old is 2.19)
29. Everything that happened before the dentists slowly starts to fade.
30. But not enough for me to have any motivation to do anything else fot he rest of the day - bar of course washing, vacuuming and cooking dinner.

So that was my thirty point morning. As I was kneeling on the kitchen floor wiping up coffee I had one of those 'fuck me, I am all the way over here and have no support' type moments. Of course I have Granny K. Yes. And we are getting on better but your family and your husband's family fall under different levels of being able to dredge you out of the pit of despair.

The fact that my own mother is looking after my sister's kids for a week while she and her husband are off swanning it in fiji is just a twist in the knife. It's funny. The whole Granny A doing lots for sister at the moment hasn't really gotten to me until today. Of course I am all the way over here and this is the path that I chose rah bloody rah rah. There is only so much of the 'you made your bed' type shit you can take though aye?

I hope that wherever my kids are in the world I am in a position to go and see them and be there for them when I am older. Obviously a small village in the heights of the himalayas that I have to trek to for five days on donkey might be pushing it.

Anyway, kids were fine at dinner and Marina and Ryu are now asleep, Shou is watching the Carebears and hub is doing some Union paperwork shit.

I am in desparate need of a beer.

And maybe another chapter of the scream-free parenting book aye.



Jo Tomooka said...

Don't worry, we ALL have those terrible days - we just don't all blog about them.... There are times when I feel like booking tickets back to NZ, but when I calm down a bit I realise it wouldn't solve very much. I have a big bottle of Baileys and an empty cottage if you ever want to come and "relax". Of course there are plenty of herbs in the garden for herb tea too, but in my experience the books don't know much about what is really needed for stress relief....
We have no plans for Sunday if you want to bring Shou for an outing to dig stag beetle larva.

illahee said...

i still haven't cracked my book open and i've had it for over a year....

*sigh* what a day, i am exhausted just reading it!!

thefukases said...

parenting books make grest door stops when you're keeping a kid on the other side... also great coasters for chu-hi and you get to feel all holier-than-thou that you have the book with you.

I'm in awe of your great mummy skills at the dentist. Mine have never had more than a fluoride treatment there and still scream like they are being dropped repeatedly in boiling oil the moment they see the pink smocks and the chair...

Here's to a good night's sleep for all tonight.

Oyomesan said...

terrible day...but GREAT read!

that is absolutely no consolation...but....

Anna said...

Just because your choices in life took you to the other side of the world doesn't mean you have to be happy about it all the time, or that you can't complain. Find the best possible substitute and develop it. I have no family in Auckland, so have developed my "Auckland family" - friends I can rely on to take bubs, feed the cats, go for a drink, etc. With #2 on the way, these people are going to be more and more essential to my sanity!! Its a two-way road, so I've certainly put in a lot of effort, but its worth it.

Gaijin Wife said...

Jo - Don't tempt me.

Illahee - we should set a deadline to finish reading that book by and then perhaps we could use it as an excuse to meet up and have 'parenting workshop' - without any kids or husbands, and preferrably at a place that sells loads of alochol!

Heather - no mummy skills required at dentist. The great gods above finally decided to deal me a winner.

Oyomesan - that is definately a consolation. Thankyou. Knowing that other people can find the silver lining from my crap day is good.

Anna - hello there :) I have a group of local friends and we do tend to vent a lot to each other but Japan doesn't seem to have the whole babysitting thing going on so really I have to get Granny K to do it or go out at night - which happens occassionaly. Unfortunately we live an hour and a half away from anything decent so getting out for the day on my own means Granny K has to agree to look after Ryu for a whole day - and I think my boobs would explode!

The language factor pays out too and sometimes venting in Japanese just doesn't cut the mustard - hence why I blog about all my shit to you guys!

When are you due? My facebook is a bitch and I can't access it hardly ever so can't keep up that way.

L. said...

I can't write about this on my own blog, because my brother has been known to occaisionally read it, but....I feel your pain about your mother watching your sister's kids. My parents don't even live near my brother -- they live near Las Vegas, and my brother lives in New York City. But my brother and his wife have managed MANY get-aways over the years, with my parents watching their (now 9-year old) son, and they have done the same for us exactly twice -- both times for only a weekend, and once when I begged them to because I had to go with my older son to take his school entrance exam when my husband had already moved back to Tokyo ahead of me! Your mother might have her own reasons, but in my case, I realize it's my parents' way of "punishing" me, for living far away. They rationalize it by saying, "Well, what do you expect? You're way off in Tokyo!" but the fact that they only did it twice for us during the 4 years we lived in San Francisco (less than an hour's flight from where they live) spoke volumes.

Anyway.....I feel your pain on that, even if our situations are not exactly the same.

Anna said...

My due date is 23 March. I've got my 20 week scan next Wednesday so will find out whether its a girl or another boy. Will be totally happy either way!

I totally wouldn't last in your situation - not just the separation from family, but the cultural and geographical isolation. I had a rough time with PND, so would've jumped on the next plane back to NZ and moved in with mum!! Whether you realise it or not, you ROCK!!

Hoping to win lotto soon so I can come visit (Japan is top of the list at the mo - along with South America...which will be fairly impossible to do in the same trip). Well, maybe in a year when I can share some NZ wine with you! But you will have to do something about those frankenstein spiders first...

Chrysanthemum Mum said...

Great read! Reassuring to knwo that it's not just me that has days like that! I think I know exactly how you feel. It's hard to raise a family in a foreign culture and it's equally hard for our parents to understand how difficult it can be. If we have coped living for so long in a foreign country, then of course we don't need their help and support! We can manage, no problem!

My folks have never visited Japan and have no intentions of visiting ("Oh the food!" God only knows what they think I eat!)They haven't met their granddaughter and have only met their grandson the once. I have never met my Japanese husband's family and they do not know that he is the father to two young children. Families, eh?

I agree that the whole lack of babysitting here in Japan is difficult too. No family to give you a break for a wee while and no willing babysitters either! It's no wonder we have meltdowns now and again!