This morning was pretty spectacular. One thing led to another led to another and I would say all up that I broke every scream-free parenting and good parenting rule in the book. The authors of that book either ever only had one child or popped prozac before they got out of bed in the morning. I guess I could get up, make some herbal tea, do some deep breathing techniques and give myself a pep talk on how lucky I am. Unfortunately I very rarely remember this routine and today it ended as...
1. Ryu not sleeping again. I was awake from half one to four. Sleep deprivation is a known torture technique. I can understand why. It really breaks you.
2. The kids were horrid at breakfast.
3. Shou threw a toy deliberately on Ryu's head (again) and got his toys taken off him and put up high - which led to awesome tantrum - which led to mummy putting him in the hall and closing the door - and leaning on it.
4. Ryu went down to sleep at seven - he was knackered. As you would expect.
5. Granny K was meant to be here to keep an eye on Shou so I could take Marina to kindy.
6. She didn't show - she was out digging spuds.
7. I LEFT Ryu sleeping upstairs while I took Shou with me to drop Marina at kindy. I remember my mum telling me one time that she left my sister while she ran down to the shop for some ciggies. I thought this was appaling. I still do. I am ashamed that I have done something I never thought I would do.
8. Before I left Ryu alone I checked Granny K's room for anything that could start a fire while I was away. Ended up having to turn off her IH - which she had left on.
9. While Shou was waiting in the car while I took Marina to kindy he set the extremely loud car alarm off.
11. Just as all the primary school kids were arriving.
12. Three teachers came out to see what was going on.
13. Got home in eight minutes flat - drove like madwoman (equally putting my other two kids in danger) to get home as soon as possible, scared that within the time I was away there would be an earthquake, flood or hurricane and I wouldn't be able to save Ryu and would forever be blaming myself for not just waking him up and putting him in his carseat and taking him with us.
14. Shou was meant to be playing quietly on the deck while I washed some dishes. I had to take him to the dentist but we had half an hour or so together at home beforehand.
15. Asking a three year old boy to play quietly is like asking an alcoholic to please not drink that bottle of that there vodka sitting right in front of you.
16. Fuckin impossible.
17. Came outside and he was in the local hall carpark ten metres away with his pants round his ankles about to take a pee.
18. Just as six cars decided to go past.
19. I somehow get him back and we manage to save a bit of face by him only peeing on our front lawn.
20. He packed a sad about something
21. I packed a sad about something
22. I 'forcefully' put my coffee cup in the sink, making it land funny and the last two tablespoons of coffee somehow manage to magically all fly out of cup and onto self, wall and floor.
23. Bugger shit, wanking fucker.
24. I leave Ryu asleep with Granny K, who is back with a wheelbarrow full of spuds, while I take Shou to the dentist.
25. Shou is the picture of perfect three year old boys.
26. He sits in the chair and gets his checkup and one small filling without flinching.
27. My heart swells with parental pride.
28. Despite fact that my son is getting his first filling (the literature in the waiting room says the average number of fillings for a three year old is 2.19)
29. Everything that happened before the dentists slowly starts to fade.
30. But not enough for me to have any motivation to do anything else fot he rest of the day - bar of course washing, vacuuming and cooking dinner.
So that was my thirty point morning. As I was kneeling on the kitchen floor wiping up coffee I had one of those 'fuck me, I am all the way over here and have no support' type moments. Of course I have Granny K. Yes. And we are getting on better but your family and your husband's family fall under different levels of being able to dredge you out of the pit of despair.
The fact that my own mother is looking after my sister's kids for a week while she and her husband are off swanning it in fiji is just a twist in the knife. It's funny. The whole Granny A doing lots for sister at the moment hasn't really gotten to me until today. Of course I am all the way over here and this is the path that I chose rah bloody rah rah. There is only so much of the 'you made your bed' type shit you can take though aye?
I hope that wherever my kids are in the world I am in a position to go and see them and be there for them when I am older. Obviously a small village in the heights of the himalayas that I have to trek to for five days on donkey might be pushing it.
Anyway, kids were fine at dinner and Marina and Ryu are now asleep, Shou is watching the Carebears and hub is doing some Union paperwork shit.
I am in desparate need of a beer.
And maybe another chapter of the scream-free parenting book aye.