Friday, 14 August 2009

Scream Free

Well, I didn't manage to clock up enough hours of sleep today to be in any state to keep Marina home from Kindy this morning.

At half four this morning Shou gets up and says he wants water. We go quietly downstairs and he has a quick skull of the wheat tea daddy brought home after the drumming the other night. We go back upstairs and get back into bed.

Approximately three and a half minutes later Shou says he feels like throwing up. The old me would have tried to fob him off by saying he didn't really need to throw up it was just because he was too tired - or something equally of crap mummy response consistency. We have had the 'I need to throw up' thing before and it has always seemed to be just a way to get out of bed. But this morning I shone through. My inner poise and resolve to actually listen to my kids in case god forbid they actually had something important to share, took over. In response - Shou threw up just as we were getting to his bedroom door. And again four times in the space of thirty minutes after we got downstairs. Poor wee man was shaking and I hope I never have to see him get so violently sick again. And I hope he never has to go through that again - until he is sixteen and stupid and it is self induced due to first encounter with Southern Comfort and L&P or Rum and Coke.

He wore himself out and ended up asleep on the couch for an hour. I had no such luck though and ended up spending the time doing the washing and getting the kids kindy stuff ready. I was pretty sure that it must have been the tea he drank - sounds a bit unlikely I know but when I tipped it into a glass some wheaty gunk crap came out and I know for a fact that this brand isn't one that has nice wheaty bits for your consumption pleasure.

I decided to see if his breaky stayed down and if it did he would be off to kindy - and that he was. Needless to say I was knackered by half eight and Ryu and I had a nap until nearly eleven. I surprise myself sometimes. Intentions of a short half hour power nap and then I go and wake up over two hours later. Body telling me something me thinks.

Had a big talk to my sister after we got up, cleaned the house and then Ryu and I went on our 'how not to get cabin fever drive' - after which we went for catch up at friends house - they live in next town over and I haven't seen them since just after Ryu was born so we had lots to catch up on - including fact that they know have three dogs,including a deaf Boarder Collie they got from a dog shelter in Fukuoka.

A cup of tea and a coffee later and we get back in the car and head over to the bread shop in Kunimi. We ran into Solar Panal Man and his son who invited us to there house ten metres away for a coffee. Well, really we shouldn't but hey why not. Way to procrastinate from doing anything else - even though me and his wife had only just had coffee the day before.

We got talking about obon and I mentioned the sticking chopsticks into vegetables in shape of horses that someone commented about on yesterday's post. What do you know and this also happens in Kuimi. Granny K doesn't do it but some people do apparently - is to help the spirits on their swift journey to and from the grave. I checked, and apparantly it isn't necessary to stick raisin eyes on or neigh like a horse and race eggplant or cucumber horse around alter room.

The obon talk lead to funeral talk. I have been to a Japanese funeral once but it was the first bit where the priest does his bit and you put flowers in the coffin of the deceased. In Japan everyone gets cremated and at the cremetorium (??), where only the immediate family go, the head mourner pushes the button that starts the conveyor belt that takes the coffin into the flames. When it comes back out there is just a skeleton and each person takes a turn to put a bone in a box using chopsticks. Solar Panal Man remembers it as that the head mourner (which was his father when his grandmother died five years ago) then crushes the bones so that they will all fit and the head and the adams apple goes in last.

Hub agrees that there is something significant about the adams apple but that the bones aren't crushed only kind of pushed down - I was picturing something similar to grounding seaseme seeds. Does anyone know more about this? It was a very interesting conversation that was folowed by talk about the i-phone. Not sure how we got from one topic to the other really but I have decided that a) I am planning on never attending that part of a funeral ever and b) I want an i-phone.

Hub was working late tonight and the dinner and bath thing with the kids went quite well but I did find myself having to stop and take a deep breath (just about sucked all the air out of the room kind of deep breath) a couple of times in order to stop self from the inevtiable yell. I have decided that the only way 'scream-free parenting' is going to eventuate in this house is if both me and the kids are gagged. I managed tonight though - just. I really did try to listen to the kids properly instead of fobbing them off with this and that explanation or excuse.

Now that the kids are in bed though I feel I need or deserve a big glass of something - and the only stuff in the house is manuka honey flavored vodka and as much as the evening took all my good parenting skills and effort I don't feel the need to hit vodka. If there was beer, wine or umeshu in the house it would be a different story though :)

In good news - I lost a kilo this week. It could be that Ryu is drinking more or that the walking is paying off or that not having any alcohol bar the vodka means I don't finish the day with a late night drink and snack. I imagine it's probably a mix of everything. It is nice to see a change on the scales though. Only five more kilos to get back to pre-Ryu weight and then ten after that to get to happy mummy weight - but unless they invent a do it yourself home-lypo kit this may never become a reality!

Right, off for a bath and perhaps another chapter of one of those books. I need a chapter on cocktail mixes for the end of a baby and toddler induced chaotic day. A cocktail that will increase inner poise and reduce need to yell at two year olds. And if this is not possible at least send me off into a nice deep sleep instead of the light flittery baby alert snatches of sleep I am getting now.

Cheers to scream free parenting and a world of calm mummies.



kasandora said...

Congratulations on not screaming! I have a hard time with that myself and I only have 1 kid! And even more congratulations on the kilo!

kuri, ping & the pinglet said...

What is the name of the book you're reading about not screaming? I would love to check it out.

About the crushing of the skull...I went to that part of the funeral when Ping's father died. They actually do crush the skull with a small hammer. I also remember the heat from the newly cremated bones was really intense. It was definitely a weird experience for me...although I kept that thought to myself. :)

Congrats on the weight loss too!!!

Rachel said...

There was no skull-crushing at Kanji's grandmother's funeral, perhaps it depends on the person, like old ladies with weak porous bones shrink more? Anyway, you personally won't have to do that bit. The chief mourner does it, and that would be your husband for any close relatives.

It was far more decorous than it sounds. A sombre dark room, each relative took a turn putting in a bone. Even though Erica was grizzling and I had to take her out, they made sure I had my turn.

I found waiting, eating an obento, while she burned the worst part. With kids though, everything is easier. Japanese people are so tolerant of children's behaviour that no-one batted an eyelid when we took them outside to play.

Lulu said...

Poor Shou! Maybe the Wheat Tea was laced with sake or something- vomitting is no good anytime.

I had my first "obon" this year in July and we had the vegies with chopsticks etc etc. Also the front door was open when we were lighting the fire and I said "shall I close it to stop the bugs getting in?" and Shun was like "noooooooooo, then Jiji wont be able to get in?"

All I could think was "dude, in my country ghosts can go through walls and doors"

I spoke to Shun`s mum about funerals here once (as I want Shun to use my life insurance to send my body to Australia unless he can find a place to bury me here- I do not want to be cremeted) and she said she doesn`t like them because of the bone crushing....But the thing is they must crush pretty easy after been burned...I think it would be a bit like boiled egg shell... one small whack and 100s of cracks...

I did not know about the adam`s apple though- that is interesting.

Congrats on the 1kg down! WOO! Must be all that booby and walking I think!

selena said...

I've been to a few funerals here, and there was a bit of crunching to get all the bones to fit into the urn. But the monk did that part for us, though we did all participate in putting the bones in the urn. It is pretty hands on and kind of grisly, but also oddly comforting and gives a lot of closure, in my opinion.