Thursday, 30 July 2009

Honesty - always the best policy?

I'm sitting here with a cup of tea - a glass of wine or five or perhaps a few shots of tequila might be more appropriate considering I am about to tell you 10 'honest' things about myself. Illahee has tagged me with a meme. I'm not sure whether I should be thanking you Illahee, or taking a road trip to steal all your wine and cheese? Do you have any? Surely a box or two would be needed to make it through six weeks at home with three small children over the summer holidays!

Anyway, here’s how the Honest Scrap Award works:

I must thank the person who gave me the award and list their blog and link it.
I must list 10 honest things about myself.
I must put a copy of The Honest Scrap Logo on my blog.
I must select at least 7 other worthy bloggers & list their links.
I must notify the bloggers of the award and hopefully they will follow the above requirements

Now, I am pretty honest on this blog - I vent everything - well almost. Everyone's gotta have some secrets - although perhaps not by the end of this post. Mum, if you are reading this then perhaps you should turn off the computer now. There's nothing too bad I doubt but there might be things about sex and swings and handcuffs that you don't need to know about your baby girl. Everyone else, if you don't want to find out more about me then come back tomorrow night and skip this post. I'm really not even sure what I will be listing but I am sure it will come to me and I will start digging up all my darkest secrets. Confessions of a gaijinwife...

1. I'm actually quite a prude.
Come on. Lay it out there. Start with a biggy. As much as I post about international relations meetings and getting a leg over, for the most part it is all very tame. Lord knows what I would do if I actually came home to find hub trying to entice me into his chamber with built in swing. I like the thought of being very sexually free and having a closet full of nurses outfits, whips, handcuffs and vibrating bunnies, but when it comes down to it all I have is one black lacy number that I doubt would even make it up half a thigh at the moment, and one very boring, no extras vibrator that the girls gave me as a pre-wedding gift (??) It has a name like the black panther or something. It is tucked away in the sock drawer.

2. I am a pessimist (and I know you all know this already) and when I got married I told myself that I would give it until I was thirty five and that if I didn't like the way things were going then then I would get out. What a thought to start a marriage on aye?? I knew that there were several factors not exactly stacked against me, but that were going to make the marriage a challenge - they were/are...
- the age gap: hub is eleven years older
- the past life: hub has an ex-wife and two children now at junior high school
- the whole cultural thing
- the whole language thing and fact hub speaks extremely little English
- the whole inaka living in the middle of the sticks thing
- being so far away from family and friends
Obviously if there were any pink pumping hearts that needed to be taken seriously then I would get out - but then sometimes I wonder if faced with something like infidelity would I really leave in my current situation? Hmmmm. Maybe would just kick hub out and live the rest of my days with the kids and Granny K (and perhaps the odd kuroneko or sagawa kyubin (delivery) boy!!)

3. I really really really wanted my mum to come over when I miscarried the first time. Actually the offer to come would have probably been enough. Ditto for Shou's birth. They came a month later so that they wouldn't interfere with setting up an early routine with the baby. Ditto also for Marina's birth (would have been great help with Shou and at home) and her big operation (because that was scary) and Ryu's birth (because coming home from the hospital to toddler carnage would have been easier if own mother been here).

4. Eventhough I am a pessimist I am glad I have taken the road I have taken. Eventhough we are in the middle of hard times - sleepless nights, potty training, leaky tits, it will be over soon. Hub does a great job for the most part and we just need to survive these next few baby and toddler years. I love my family - even if at the moment for Shou and Marina that means when they are asleep!!

5. Not one day goes by that I don't think at some stage that I am a crap mother. I wonder how my parents did it and try to think back to my early childhood. I sometimes have small panic attacks where I start thinking about all the things that could go wrong or happen to my kids on our journey to getting them safely to adulthood.

6. I still haven't got into the books you gave me illahee. I was hoping that 'how to avoid sibling rivalry' and 'scream-free parenting' would kind of be absorbed through osmosis. They will get read though because I think that will help me with number five.

7. I am not very trusting. Well, I am of my friends but not of hub for some part. This is probably partly due to something that happened a while back (as in before I came to Japan) that sorry, will not be one of the last two confessions :) I pick at his behavior until I think I can see things that aren't even there. When I'm on a roll I can think the absurd - that if he doesn't answer his phone then it's because he has taken a day off work without telling me and must be at pachinko or shagging some skanky hoe in a love hotel. (just being honest) Very rarely do I ever confront him about these absurdities. I think that part of the reason I don't is because one of the times I did I was right and being right too often would just be upsetting - unless of course involved a skanky hoe in which case would smack the bitch silly - but that would be upsetting too, even more so if she decided to smack me back.

8. My weight and I are not the best of friends at the moment. Way back in the day (but only eight years ago really) I was 65 kg and running fifty km marathons and doing duathlons. Now I am nearly twenty kg heavier and I hate it. I hate myself more for not being dedicated and motivated enough to really get down and lose it. At the moment I would be happy to get back to 70 and then ultimately I would like to start running again. There isn't much entertainment in the inaka (country) so most of the towns hold marathons every year - which can be anything from three km up to a half marathon. They just call them all marathons. I would love to run the fifty km one again next November but it depends on how long Ryu decides to breastfeed for as running with these hooters is really not an option.

9. I worry about my sisters and brother since they went into business together. I'm not worried because I don't think the money I lent them will find it's way back to us, I am worried because it is stressful stuff and they are all so completely different in the way they work that it only stands to reason that they would encounter conflicts.

10. If you are still reading this, I was serious when I said we aren't coming to Fiji for your sixtieth next year. In theory it sounds great - golden sand, blue seas, pina coladas, the whole family. But in reality it means hub probably only taking five days off work, two WHOLE days of which would be spent travelling with a four year old, two year old and one year old - including a four hour car ride and possibly three different planes and stopovers in Korea and Australia. I think if I had one pina colada on arrival I would probably pass out for the entire three days we were there. The offer to pay for all our travel expenses is more than generous but I just can't see it happening. I know you all think I'm selfish. You all harp on about the good nanny service at the resort but while I can leave my kids at home while they are sleeping and Granny K is keeping an ear out for them, I don't feel good about leaving them all in the care of some extremely good, friendly and capable nanny who I don't know. In theory the bringing a nanny with us also sounded like a good idea but sadly Japan hasn't hit the nanny boom yet and I don't really fancy doing all of the above with Granny K in tow.

Just send me an international phone card and all the ingredients for five days worth of pina coladas and I will set the the blender (that's blender, blender, blender, and not burendaa which is how you say Belinda in Japanese) up and put on my CD of wave music and ring you all on the blower every day.

So, was that honest enough for you?

I'm not going to tag anyone like it says I have to. I realise that by doing so I will be hit by a truck tomorrow or the sky will fall down. I am willing to take my chances.

In other news....

Granny K's sister and brother in law came over this afternoon. They gave us some congratulations money for Ryu and a whole stash of excellent fruit.

The waffles arrived - the ones I ordered to give back as thankyou gifts for the money and prezzies we got from people. I printed out a whole lot of labels with Ryu's pic and name, weight and thankyou on them. I then taped these over the original label and put them all in bags ready for hub to take to work tomorrow and distribute. It was a bit of a production line but only took an hour or so once I got started. Hub didn't make any positive sounds of approval and just asked if I was going to wrap them up or not. NO would be the answer to that. I have trouble gift wrapping perfectly square objects, so trying to wrap thirty cylinders would be a nightmare. Besides, they all have their own individual bag which I thought was good enough.

Well, TGIF tomorrow. I hope Ryu has a better sleep tonight.

Fingers crossed.

And toes.

And tummy - I could probably cross my jiggly bits if I tried.


Edit - and because I'm being honest, I'll confess that now, the next morning, I have deleted one of the list! (I had eleven to start with) Those that got in fast last night will know what it was! It wasn't anything too exciting but I thought about it and it wasn't really just about me so I had to let it go. Sorry!


thefukases said...

wow, that's deep... you woman of hidden depths, you.

I relate to the panic attacks about being a crappy parent and the husband with limited English and a couple more but I'm not that honest... ;P

michaelalegge said...

Thanks. I enjoyed your post.
We are staying in some hotel at Disneyland ATM. We are off to disneysea tomorrow. I'm sure you'll be here too one day. Luckily some of the inlaws are here too as they minded son while we went on some rides. Yay.
When are you off home next? Christmas? With hub?

Kelly said...

Wow, that's a waffle? Would you mind passing on the website address? I often send interesting things to the in-laws that i've found on the net. And they look cool. :)

Lily said...

I really enjoyed reading that. I can't remember who pointed me in the direction of your blog recently but it is so blunt, funny and relatable. And then, to read you are friends with Illehee I was over the moon- so perfect :)

Honestly- wish I could meet you someday! There is just too much to talk about...

Oh... PS
Ryu and I share a birthday- Mine is June 6- but because I was born in Canada that means June 7th in Japan.

Midori said...

Love it. Honesty is not always the best policy but that was a very interesting read! :-) Thanks for sharing!
BTW- I am in the process of putting something together for your "Paying it forward" gift. Do you have any requests/needs?

Birgit said...

50 km? As in FIFTY? That is crazy..but then again I did hear they hold 100km marathons in Japan, too.

illahee said...

sorry, the wine and cheese are GONE! *sob* and i really need to get into the books, too. *sigh* here i am, sobbing and sighing all over your blog. bad illahee.

great list! i nearly didn't tag anyone, either, so it's no big deal that you didn't. :D

ailsa said...

Wow, I wish I could be half as honest on my blog as you are! Since very few read mine it wouldn't make much difference but ....

Think we've all been there with the parenting panic attacks but somehow it all works out even with all our shortcomings. Now mine are about being a crappy English teacher!