Sunday, 28 June 2009

The 4th Child

And no, no shagging, big spiders, getting a leg over, international relations meetings or the like happening and therefore no 4th child in that sense.

But, before the reason for the title must start by saying we had lovely play date with Rachel and her brood of beautiful girls, Amy, Lena and Erica. We got some yummy treats - fab bread and chippies and dip (the real stuff with reduced cream and onion packet). The kids ran round playing outside and blowing bubbles. They were off to the beach on their way home and Shou and Marina and Ryu and I all had a nap.

The first half of the day was great - and I thought we were on a roll for a nice family afternoon but it would appear that you can suddenly find yourself living with an extra child - one that you didn't have to keep warm and nurture for ten months before pushing out small hole. The thing about husbands acting so god damn childish is that it makes you even more annoyed because they should know better.

I am pretty sure we have had an argument similar to this on a number of occasions and I am sure we will be fine but I end up extremely frustrated and a tad what bewildered and upset.

There were a couple of things that started it off - and both deal with our differing opinions about how to react, /treat a child (usually Shou) when he has been naughty or is packing a tanty.

Shou had done something (so trivial I can't even remember now) and I had asked him on a number of occasions to please stop as someone (probably Marina) would end up getting hurt. He continued with the behavior and I took whatever it was he was doing it with off him - I have a feeling it could have been the dragonfly net (on long pole) that he was using like a kendo stick inside. Anyway this resulted in prime nutout from him. Hub hadn't witnessed any of the lead up and came in when Shou was nutting out. So without knowing any of the beforehand he said 'right, shou I'm putting you outside (his equivalent to me putting Shou in his room)'

I was in the middle of trying to sort things out and told Hub I didn't appreciate him coming in and trying to win my battle. It was between me and Shou. He got all shitty at me for telling him off in front of the kids - apparently I do this a lot. And if so I will need to apologise because I don't think thats fair really either. End of round one.

Round two - Shou and Marina were head butting each other (as you do when you have a deliciously big head) and Marina accidentally got a sore part of Shou's head and he started to cry. I was in the midst of calming him down when Hub came in and Shou went running to him for a cuddle. Hub said that 'it was my battle and Shou should go running to mummy cause daddy wasn't having anything to do with it'.


I tried to calmly explain that this wasn't a battle this was an accident and he had a sore head and was asking his daddy for a cuddle. Hub could not see the difference in this and round one. I felt like banging MY HEAD against a friggin brick wall.

This discussion got out of hand and hub's two one liners were

'shiran' (don't know / don't care)
'wakareo - nyujiranndo ni kaere' (let's break up - piss off back to NZ)

The 'shiran' annoys more than the other. I asked to sit down and talk about this - as how we raise our children is the most important thing to me - I don't give that much of a rats ass if he hates me for the moment but I refuse to let it filter down to the kids.

So, as per usual he said that I thought it was all just about me me me. I have had to use the fifth amendment until I can figure out exactly what I need to say in Japanese - and know for absolute fricken sure that he isn't going to misread it, turn it around. Important arguments like this are perhaps the one time when I think intercultural marriages are really really difficult.

It amazes me that couples can have small kids and get out the other side still talking to each other. It also frustrates me that the things that start us off are usually very trivial things that are escalated because a child is nutting out at full tilt or because it happens when I happen to be breastfeeding for the tenth time that day in sweaty nearly 30 degree heat. It can be very hard to keep a cool head - as much as I would like at the time.

End of rant.

On other note - Ryu still exceptionally cute and seeming quite a bit more alert these days. He is three weeks old today - on July 8th we have our one month check up. Joy Joy. Good for him as want to know how much weight he has gained etc but not looking forward to it for me. Is crazy that couldn't have cared less who was all standing at the end of the birthing bed concentrating on my saloon doors during labor but give it a month and I am getting all damn prudish again.

Hope everyone had a good weekend and haven't had to end it the same way I have - although I guess there is still time to talk and make up tonight but I'm feeling very high school-ish 'I don't want to be the one to say sorry first' - ish.

Nighty night and may the start of a new week whisk away my 4th child and give me back my husband.



Oyomesan said...

ahhh....this situations ALWAYS start with something trivial...I feel for you...all of you!

Look on the bright side, you didn't have Granny K in there with you as well giving her wisdom!!!!!

hope you sleep well and wake up Monday ready to do it all again.

Chrysanthemum Mum said...

Oh!! Always starts trivial and always escalates...The cultural differences really rear their ugly head when dealing with the children, eh? I have no pearls of wisdom on how to cope with these childish men unfortunately.

Keep your cool and hang in there.

anchan said...

Must be something in the air. Things are crappy here too. xxx

thefukases said...

I had my first one of these just yesterday. I guess it's amazing we made it 5 years without clashing over the kids but it really peed me off that such a small start could escalate so quickly- agghhhhh kids and AGHHHH men!

Rachel said...

Hi, thanks for a lovely morning! I didn't get to cuddle Ryu, as he looked so cosy on Mummy's tum when he was up I didn't want to mess up the get-back-to-sleep chance.

We had a FAB time at the beach, I thought you should come too, if someone can give birth in the black sea, then bringing bubs to Nagasakibana shouldn't be a problem, if we just tell everyone he's two months old.

Crashed the friggin car on the way home, more about that on my blog...

Midori said...

Ugh. Men really do suck at times!
When I first moved back to the UK, everyone would comment on how hard it must be to look after Joey on my own. very few people fully understood my meaning when I would say "nah, it is fine, I only have one child now" but I really did feel like that. It is hard looking after Joey alone but at least I don't have to deal with my ex's idiocy on top of the stress of parenting.

Glad you had a good day other than that though!