Sunday, 24 May 2009

Humph

Gay fire engine post below.

What a bummer that such a nice family day had to end on this. And I still get thrown sideways sometimes at how one comment can lead to what it leads to. I also get extremely frustrated that I can be good enough to get paid for my Japanese language skills and yet can't bring out exactly what I want during the heat of the moment sometimes. And I don't mean that kind of heat - defianately none of that happening.

Hub: have you got any cash. I need 2000 yen (forty dollars) for the tax department annual holiday account.
Me: do you need it tomorrow?
Hub: I think so.
Me: did it not occur to you to ask me before ten pm on a Sunday night?
Hub: You should always have a bit of cash on hand.
Me: can you get it taken out of your pay each month?

rah rah rah rah bollocksy bollocksy

me: will you get it back if you can't go.
hub: why don't you want me to go? don't you understand my 'position' at work?
me: Of course I understand (you've just been on a 3 day conference because of your 'position' - a conference with workshops like 'mental health') but I don't think it should mean you have to spend two days with the people you see every day waiting in line for rides at universal studios while your wife and three small children are at home.
hub: it's really a money thing though isn't it.
me: it is more of an 'it's not fuckin fair' thing. that's what it is.
hub: why don't you go away too then.

NOTE - should have stopped conversation there with an 'OK then will book a weekend in Guam. Thanks very much'

me: It's not the same because if I went and left you with the kids for the weekend you would get GK to help you with everything (petty I know)
hub: of course I would. You should get her to help you more.

rah rah bollocksy bollocksy

Me trying to be very restrained because didn't want to turn conversation into argument about what Granny K thinks is appropriate child rearing behaviour. Although I did say that I do ask her if I am stuck - like for the hospital visit yesterday. But that if she was a part of our daily routine and something happened under her watch then I would not be able to forgive either her or me and seeing as this is my house she would have to leave. Therefore, in order to prevent such an occurrance I am doing my best to not have to rely on her for things - especially when I deem them as things that parents, if they are at home, should be doing.

rah rah bollocksy bollocksy

hub: why didn't you think about this kind of thing before you married a Japanese man. After three years on JET you must have known that it's always the blokes that are out - while the wives are at home.
me: Yes, when I was 22 and out on the piss a lot with the office I did find it a bit unsettling that it was always the men and the wives never got invited - or by the sounds of it didn't seemed to protest. However, at 22, it didn't occur to me to put that into play into my future marriage to you scenario.
hub: well, this is Japan (and here I was thinking I lived in dubai), and you need to accept japanese work place practices more.
me: well, this is an international household and you need to accept that your wife doesn't think two days away with your office is acceptable.
hub: it's not like I want to go...
me: then don't bloody go. I would be more inclined to go with the flow if you acted like a bloody five year old on Christmas eve - ooohh, can't wait to go to universal studios (am just using past example here - feel free to insert Shanghai or Korea in there) A few drinking things a year (more than a few) I am starting to get my head round.

hub: (as he goes to clean his teeth) It's always about you.
me: THIS IS WHEN I WANT A REALLY GOOD ONE LINER

I know, afterwards - too late, that I should have just said sorry I don't have the cash in my wallet. Is Tuesday OK? - and then broached the subject of actually going on the damn trip when it came up.

I guess you live and learn.

Weekend away to Guam anyone?

Oh and, per hubs request, wives in similar situations - do you protest to your husband doing the 'mandatory' more than just a night on the piss work things? I'm sure in a few years when the kids aren't so demanding that I will be more inclined to think 'yes! a whole weekend away - just me and the kids at home.' but not yet.
Hub seems to think I am the most 'wagamama' (selfish - self-centered) wife in Japan. Maybe, if I was at home alone without kids and still demanded he not go I would be leaning towards that category, but christ, three kids under four it will be. I am more inclined to think he is being 'wagamama'.

Sigh, bloody big huge sigh. Hope the bunster doesn't decide tonite is the night. I think I need to be in a better mind set to push this sucker out. That and hub and I would probably argue the whole way to the hospital which may well mean fast labour and giving birth in paddie field. Not ideal birth plan.

14 comments:

anchan said...

awwwwww.... (((HUG)))!! He was MEAN, should be being extra special kind to his lovely preggo wife...

Make sure you take him up on the offer of your own trip!!

kasandora said...

Since you asked:
I protest...I hate the stupid work outings, and luckily since my hub works at a french company, he rarely has them...but this weekend when he wanted to take our sick daughter to "meet his old co-workers" and have a "few drinks" in Yoyogi Park. I put my oversized gaijin foot down and said a big fat HELLLL no.

I don't do the "I'm a japanese man in japan" bit....I let him know before we were married that if he wanted to have an international marriage, he was going to at least go halvies with me on the culture stuff....he gets lunch out with the guys every day, and one or two nights out, (not past 11) each month...I get lunch out with a girlfriend whenever I damned well feel like it...it works for us, but if he worked for a japanese company I am sure I would be pulling my hair out by now....

As for granny K...I commend you on doing stuff yourself!

I hope you don't have to push the bunster out in a rice paddy!

Corinne said...

My situation is different, my hubby is a landscape gardener with a very small company and (luckily for me) never has those drinking things. If he did, i also would be protesting in a very loud gaijin temper tanty manner. You're preggers and have two littlens, I would be making a huge fuss.
We have to give and take but we're giving a whole lot by adjusting to living here, even if it is our choice. Good luck!

illahee said...

yoshi had enkais, but i don't think they've ever done anything overnight. he does get suddenly called to shimane for work, and they probably have impromptu drinking parties (those guys--and gals--use ANYTHING as an excuse to party. but then, there's stuck out there in BFshimane....) so although i occasionally have some bitter thoughts of, 'must me nice, hey...wish i were invited.' so far it's been ok.

next weekend, though, he's off for a family wedding which of course I am not invited to. he did say he would take the baby with him. extra-cute hafu baby will surely be accepted at family wedding... grr.

you have my sympathies!!

Slime said...

With the current state of affairs in my own house, I'm definitely not the best source to decide whether or not a MAN is being selfish! (For the record, the answer is *always* YES!)

Yes, you knew he was Japanese when you married him, but he also knew that YOU WERE NOT Japanese when he married you! You've made plenty of concessions for the Japanese side of the marriage (hello! you're living IN JAPAN, with your JAPANESE MIL!) what concessions has he made for the NZ side?

Jo Tomooka said...

Keep smiling... not long till bunster three is out and you can get back not only with words, but with a swift flick of the broom up his bum. If it makes you feel any better I only vaguely remember getting pissed off about the number of times Tom went out with work (I know I was mad at the time, but...time solves many things!) but now I am almost happy when he says he has a nomikai. This is only because the kids are bigger now though and our rule is that if he gets to go out for the night, we do too. So I generally take the kids out for dinner (courtesy of Tom) and then we have a nice, quiet, fun night at home. We are only talking once a month at the most though and as I have been doing more overnight programs etc. than he has been doing overnight work stuff lately I really can't complain too much.
I know you may not think so now, but the kids will get bigger and it will get much easier. Smile, smile, smile... hope today is the day the bunster arrives!

ローラ said...

I would totally lose it if my husband did the "Well you're in Japan, get used to the mandatory company obligation-crap". So far, Takeshi has not had any official "come-and-drink-with-your-coworkers" event at his jobs, and I hope he never does.

You best keep reminding your hubby that he is a part of an internationally-minded household (or at least it is striving to be), and can't just throw the "well, you're in Japan" excuse.

Chrysanthemum Mum said...

Oh god, I really understand how you must be feeling. What is it with Japanese guys sometimes. They walk around clueless half the time and then make unreasonable demands and expect us to jump when they say. It really is like having an extra child - asking for money "for a school trip" the night before it's needed. Oh please!!!!
You do have my sympathies. Foreign mums are trying really hard to raise our kids in a culture that is not our own. We do expect our husbands to share the parenting, but alas this is not the case in most international families.
We had a huge barney yesterday too - one wrong word and the fireworks start!! Naturally it is me who apologied (for shouting) - he would never apologise for his behaviour. Men!!!

Chrysanthemum Mum said...

Sorry forgot to actually answer your question....My hub has only recently started to go on the mandatory drinking nights out. He has a new boss and this may be a key factor or he could just be avoiding all parental responsibilities just as the kids have become more demanding (they are around the same ages as your Shou and Marina). So far I have only made sarky comments about rolling home at 5am without so much as a mail to let me know he's missed the last train. My biggest gripe is the fact he spends the weekends studying at the library - another work related ploy to keep men from spending time with their families! Trying to discuss it with him to get him to meet me just a little bit of the way is rather like banging my head against a brick wall! I understand your frustrations completely.

Sara said...

Ohh big big HUGS

This sounds like a conversation that Ryohei and I will be having in a few years time once he gets more "erai" at the shiyakusho. He and your hub seem to share some of that kaisha is kami-sama mentality depsite the protests of wife tied down the bunsters and bunettes :(

We've already had to deal with the fun of the nomi-kai and since Ryohei works for the "industrial division" that means even more for smoozing the various businesses in the area. I really really am trying to beg him not to go.. but "sho ga nai" responses seem to be the regular. I've tried to emphasize that while BG is a newborn I NEED him around so that he doesn't come home to something out of a CSI plot.. we will see how it works.

Anyways you have all my symphathies as someone who seems to be taking the Jr. Gaijin Wife tract of living.

Hoping that once the bunster is out at least you feel physically better. Pregnancy seems to do nothing for rational thinking and calmness.

thefukases said...

I'm not only wagamama I'm into payback aswell.

K has a lot of business stuff going on and then the neighborhood association stuff too and I will NOT listen to that 'oh woe is me, I have to haul my sorry butt out to ANOTHER restaurant to eat MORE yummy food and drink MORE nomihodai when I'd OBVIOUSLY rather be here with my two ratty overtired kids and my worn out wife.' Take your money, shut up and go and whatever you do COME HOME QUIETLY!!!

Oh and as I write them all on the calendar (so we don't forget extremely important drinking events of course) it's surprisingly easy to guilt K into an afternoon/ night out of my own. :) As for the Granny K help thing? I'd have DH watch the kids at a park/ shopping centre so he *feels* your pain. :)

Although even that is not so successful here as K buys the kids an ice cream and a drink and they all have a whale of a time and talk about mean 'we're not buying anything so don't even ask' mummy. Grrrrr!!!

Oh and I am so in for a Guam trip! I have had dreams of Guam ever since I found Gina's blog and combining mummy power always makes for a great trip. Hmmm, maybe should wait till the new baby is out? Unless you want American citizenship for him? ;P

Sara said...

After reading Fuka's post....

I would so so so so be up for a bloggers "convention" in Guam.

Seriously... I'll take up 4-5 baitos just to pay for it... "western food" "sunny beaches" "ENGLISH" "cheap shopping"

All in say Aye! or "hai" if you are feeling a bit cheeky ;P

Rachel said...

DEFINITELY take him up on the offer for you to go somewhere too!

Join AFWJ and take on a board position. You'll be amazed at how much pull there is in this country at being in an 'official' job in an 'official' organization that you 'have to' go to the meetings for. In Tokyo. For three days. 80% of that time getting pissed and gossiping.

Kanji has overnighters with his club, but since I joined my club and had overnighters before him, I can't complain. We always go to Joyfull and eat parfaits if he goes away overnight.

Now he's on the PTA, and I can't complain about that either - he really did get forced into it, I remember the phone call (yelling Hai into his phone and angrily hanging up) and I feel he's kind of letting me off the hook too by doing it for us.

Luckily he doesn't have work events. And I've even heard him use the excuse of having to stay home and take care of the kids cos I'm sick. Even when I'm perfectly fine!

Gina said...

Weekend away to Guam sounds right up my alley Gaijin Wife, you could count me in for sures!!!! And, thanks Heather!!! : ) : ) : )