Sunday, 22 March 2009

Shou's First Locks

Where to start... without ripping the computer socket from the wall and throwing it out the window. Not that I'm angry at the computer of course - it would just be taking my frustration out on something other than the culprit, which is, as per usual... the spectacular Granny K.

Knowing that Granny K was involved - and that the title of the post is Shou's first locks - as in hair - can you guess what the silly bitch did??

We were upstairs after lunch having a family nap when Shou came out with 'Granny chopped my hair with the scissors'. I thought I had heard wrong - as had hub. Now, obviously his hair hadn't been given the once over or we would have noticed straight away, but upon closer inspection his one and only long piece at the back was gone - all together one good curly lock.

This was THE FIRST time anyone had taken a pair of scissors to his hair. While I was pregnant with Shou I bought a baby book and therefore for the last three years had been waiting patiently for the time when I could cut his first lock and put it in the special 'baby's first lock of hair' envelope. I also heard that in Japan some people use the first hair from the first cut to make a caligraphy pen. Hub and I had discussed this and even though Shou's first cut was obviously going to be a lot later on than a lot of the boof hairy Japanese babies, we were still thinking about doing it. His hair is still extremely fine and soft and would have made quite a fine pen me thinks.

I was in disbelief really and wondering how Granny K was going to explain herself out of this one. I made the conscious decision to wait while hub went in to talk to her and to try and retrieve the piece of hair that had, according to Shou, been thrown in her scodey vestling rubbish bin. I knew if I went in first off things wouldn't be pretty.

As it happened, the way she spoke to hub about it

'for god's sake, it's just a bit of friggin hair. Get over it'

kind of thing I just couldn't stop myself.

I went in.

I conquered.

And I left.

Well, I did go in. I then told her that it was not her place to give Shou his first hair cut. I was upset more than angry. I felt cheated of an experience that should have been mine not hers - as trivial as it may seem.

I asked her was she not even sorry, would she not even try to understand or appologise. Her response.....

'Jya, gomenasai'

An appology as an afterthought with no heartfelt oomph whatsoever.

I lost it.

I said something to her I have never said before.

I swore in English. God save us. Hub knows things are serious when I curse in English.

After her pathetic excuse for an appology I called her a...

Stupid Fucking Bitch. (cue gasps and cries of shock from the audience)

followed closely by....


Just in case she didn't get my heartfelt oomph behind the English one.

She tried to follow us out into the hall. I slamed the door in her face. Haven't seen her since. I was shaking I was so worked up. I had the prescious lock of hair from my first born son but it had been fished out of her scummy rubbish bin. It is in the envelope with a less snarky version of the truth under the 'my first haircut' page.

I phoned my mum to try and calm down - which helped a little but I didn't need the 'it's just a power struggle thing between you two. You just don't won't her doing ANYTHING concerning the kids without her permission.' This is partly true - concerning important things like feeding the kids shit all day, letting them play with inappropriate things, and things like giving them their first haircut. When they are in her room though I don't stand at the bloody doorway watching her every move.

Rationally I know that Granny K wasn't sitting there cutting his hair thinking 'ooh, this will piss the bitch of a daughter in law off'. She just doesn't think FULL STOP. I would have thought after the blowup last time that she would be more careful in doing something that might have even the slightest chance of making things blow up again.

Hub tried to tell me I shouldn't get worked up or (and where have I heard this before) the bunster would be a very angry baby. I calmly said that my stress levels would be way down if she wasn't here and that if she was thinking about the well being of her grandkids and her son's family then she would maybe think that moving out would be the best option too.

But, been there, had that discussion, lost that war.

I have one more English session this week that I need her to keep an eye on Marina for. After that and Marina will be in kindy and I have all of June off already for the baby. So three months of not having to ask her to help.

I don't need words of wisdom. I know I overreacted. I could have acted a lot more calmly and explained why I was so upset. But, that wasn't how things worked out. Gaijinwife blew her stack and at this point in time I don't really feel like trying to work things out. The hole in the bridge is too damn big. Ain't no cars getting across there for a while.

Marina and I are going to the city tomorrow for some mummy time out. Solar panel man and his wife own the apartment building I used to live in while I was working in Beppu. They also have the nicest apartment in the building and hardly ever use it. I did a very non Japanese thing and asked if I could use it for the night. After making sure it wasn't a hub-wife blow out and that hub and Shou were OK, it has all been sorted and solar panal man's wife is dropping the key off on her way to work.

I need to get out of the confines of living in the same house as her - even if it is just for twenty four hours. Might give hub and her some time to discuss things. I think she has already rung the brother and sister and law today - I got an email from my sister in law about half an hour ago asking if everything was OK with okaasan.


Is everything OK.

You live with her and I'll email you in four years and ask you the same question.

But enough already. If I can figure out how to post from my keitai again I will do so tomorrow night.



Sara said...

Wow - sorry I'm not sure quite how to respond to this as my mouth is gapping open in shock and horror (at Granny K)

I'm glad you were able to get the hair back though and on a totally unrelated tangent, I think the pen idea is totally neat.

Wish I had more to say... your MIL may have the lights still on upstairs but I'd say they are (much) dimmer than the normal house.

Jo Tomooka said...

You know the cottage is usually free if you need a night away! We could put Shou in with Masaki and Marina in with Emily and you could have a nice quiet night alone... the cottage is basically sound proof so even if the kids were going wild you wouldn't be able to hear them. I know... from experience!

gaijin wife said...

I completely forgot about the cottage Jo - and you may well be wishing you hadn't reminded me :)

Vicky said...

She needs to leave. No matter how much you have to scrimp to get rid of her, she needs to go.

I have a MIL who is like her too, not malicious, just brainless, and everything she does just rams it home that I and my feelings mean absolutely nothing to her, they just flow right on and out again. Luckily we don't live together or I'd have killed her long ago. We do live in the same town but she has learned to keep her distance and also as the kids have got older, she has lost a lot of interest in them, which is sad in another way. She only liked them when they were toys to dress up and mess with.

At the very least call the door man back and get an actual locking lock with a key on it!!

(Added to say, heee! The CAPCHA word it asked me to type for this post is "curse"!!!) Can it read????

Vicky said...

Sorry, for some reason it posted the same thing twice!

medea said...

I'm still waiting for the part where you overreacted...
There would by a Granny F-sized splatter on the front of my car if my MIL tried something like that. I'm not very reasonable.

thefukases said...

Wow. Hope you and Marina have a FABULOUS night away and everyone misses you so much they are ready to do whatever it takes to keep you happy. :

Tigermama said...

I'm so glad you have a place to escape to. You need to get away. I hope hubs has sense enough to discuss a move. Hugs.

Anonymous said...

That's dispicable! But unfortunately it's very common for Grandma's to cut their grandchild's hair without event thinking to ask parental permission! But his first hair cut! I'd be furious too! Hope you have a nice night away in Beppu! Katie M

illahee said...

*big hugs* oh wow, that's...i have no words. not so much the hair cutting so much as the complete dimissal of your feelings. bitch indeed! enjoy your night away!!

Gina said...

I'm glad you were able to get his first locks back. That is so sad and I understand why you were angry. I'd be upset too. The first hair cut, is important.

I glad you got a night away. I hope they all missed you heaps. (((hugs)))

Anonymous said...

Man, like Vicky said, she's gotta go, you must "kick" (proverbial) Granny K to the curb!-- ouch.. skid marks and all.

Having said that, you have patience of an IRON!

Slime said...

Holy crap! That's freakin' unbelievable! I'm so sorry :( First haircuts are a huge milestone! Are they not a big deal in Japan?

Your anger, and your reaction were completely justified! That woman seriously needs TO GO!

Big hugs! I hope you and Marina enjoy your night away.

Lulu said...

My god I would of called the stupid bitch a lot worse.

I don`t think I could of stopped myself from slapping her silly.

Poor Shou too- he probably had no idea what was going on and she just chopped off his hair.

I think Vicky is right- she needs to go. Ship her off the your hubs brothers...

Ruth said...

Like everyone else said, you didn't over-react. You told her before not to interfere with the kids. I don't know how many more ways you can tell her, plus her apology was totally patronizing! I think we definitely need to have a night in Beppu when I come over, my treat!