Saturday, 10 January 2009

Apologies

Firstly, apologies if yesterday's post offended anybody. Well, I know for sure it did and that I guess to some people the way I behaved and treated my kids yesterday is very much in the 'bad mummy of the year' category. I'm not sure that I am too thrilled about being told I probably shouldn't have a third baby if I couldn't handle having two but then each to their own I guess.

Some people must just have extremely calm personalities and if there is a person out there who is like this, and has a bag full of tricks to help get through those times then can you please tell me some - the setting boundaries comment was good and I will take that on board. Can you then please survive for four weeks on less than five hours sleep a night, look after a two year old and a one year old while you are five months pregnant, all day everyday for that same amount of time with no external help and do it whilst living in your parents house who are there most of the time but do not help and do in fact add to the stress, AND THEN pick another trick out of that handy bag of kid raising tricks and tell me another. I am not religious so taking ten seconds out to ask for help from above to calm my frazzled nerves is not an option. I have never done yoga or mediation so ditto.

It is amazing how one comment can make you feel so defensive. I did um and ah about posting about yesterday but figured that there must be other mummies out there who have bad days and lose it. I'm not proud of how I acted and I DO WISH I could have handled it better but I didn't. Anyway, crap mother business aside today was all in all a better day - and I aren't just saying that so that I don't get any more feel-bad comments.

Shou slept a lot better and mummy was a lot more refreshed this morning. After breakfast we went down to the park where I refrained from throwing park equipment at my children and smacking them in public. Actually Shou had great time lining up bits of bark in the pretend shop and selling them to me. We did the supermarket thing on the way home and then all had a good late morning nap followed by a late lunch.

Brother brought round our three nieces this afternoon and it was happy families with Shou running round naked again and watering the concrete Buddha Granny A has in the garden. Hope that hasn't ruined any karma and I did make Shou rub it's bald head in an apology. My eldest niece stayed back for a while and then we dropped her off home.

I was out in the car recharging my cell battery while Shou was flicking the hazard lights off and on when I saw a big hairy man making his way through the bushes and trees above our house - there is a row of four flats above our house and he went up the stairs to the second one and on the the deck. It just happens that my brother is the real estate agent trying to sell the flat so I called him and asked him if anyone was living there at the moment - nope. He came around and called the owners to see who else had a key - nobody. Said big hairy man then came out of flat and lit ciggy on porch. Brother saw was the slightly not quite all there son of the owners who used to live there but is now supposed to be in a home for the slightly not quite all there. Father came and picked son up and took the key they didn't know he had and I can sleep easy - or as easy as I have been - knowing that big hairy men aren't roaming the section.

Did take a couple of good pics today of my traumatised by the cup throwing experience children but my phone is out of juice again so I will try and send them tomorrow when we head out.

I happened to meet up with an old friend today and we are going to be catching up with her properly on Tuesday. She is married to a Swiss man and based in Switzerland. While their situation is very different the bilingual factor is the same and her kids are now 6, 4 and 1 and a half so it will be interesting to hear how that has been.

Until then.

SDGH&QL

15 comments:

illahee said...

being a mother is all sunshine and roses, and don't you dare try to say otherwise.

Jo Tomooka said...

You know the children were programmed by Granny K before she left to make your life miserable there so you would appreciate her more. Just find the thing she implanted in them and pull it out. Your life will be roses then. Anyone who has never had a day like yours must be away in the land of the fairies... Chopping wood always seems like a good way to get rid of the stress here... although I'm not so sure that at 5 months pregnant it would be so appropriate! See you soon... the last few weeks really do race by!

anchan said...

Don't let her comments bother you - notice how she had to make them anonymously? Glad you had a better day today. lol at Jo's comment about the Granny K implant!

Anonymous said...

It's strange that the mother's commenting on here seem to think that children who are well behaved is non-existant.

It is easy to have well behaved children who say please and thankyou and sit there quietly while you talk to other adults.

The problem i find with parents these days is they ask their kids, what shouldn't be asked. The way i was raised is we weren't asked, we were told, and that's the way i have raised my own kids. You as an adult are the decision maker, not them.

You don't have to be in the land of the fairies to have good children. Is it some intercultural gene that makes half-kids run riot? I don't think so.

Nay said...

Don't let silly comments like the one yesterday bug you... every one who knows you (or has gotten to know you through your blog) knows that you are a wonderful mother!! I know how difficult to cope with criticism though, especially from people who really have no ideas... *HUGS*

[coming into this conversation a little late...]

thefukases said...

It is easy to have well behaved children who say please and thankyou and sit there quietly while you talk to other adults.

Really? Cool! Can I have a couple? ;P In my house ESCUSE ME!!!!! makes it on my list of bad words some days.

I really think it's easy to judge from afar. anonymous, you weren't there, you don't know how you would have reacted. And Gaijin Wife- glad to hear you had a better day today. I get a feeling (my) kids are programmed to give me a good day when I'm teetering on breaking point. Some evolutionary survival instinct me thinks. :)

gaijin wife said...

Jo - I love chopping wood when I'm agro but unfortunately Maki won't allow it when pregnant:( A bit of secret chopping behind the house while he is at work perhaps!! Or I could come to your house and have a go at your stash?

Fukasas - am liking the mummy time out thing. Will have to buy me a nice comfy chair.

Tigermama said...

Hey GW! I admire your honesty. I think you are brave to put yourself out there and write about things that are REAL. I find it incredibly hard to believe that any mother of young children have not had a day like you had the other day. I myself have had many and wish that I had had a blog like yours to read back when I was "in the trenches" of mothering.

gaijinwife said...

"in the trenches" of mothering. What a perfect way to put it! Thank you :)

Anonymous said...

I have been amazed at the comments on these last two blogs and have not see anything like it thus far on the blog I so enjoy reading. I am a dear friend of Gaijinwife and have had the pleasure of spending time with her and her two full-on darlings while they are in NZ. I think the other factor playing out here is that the kids are away from home, have upset routines and GW is basically trying to keep active kids quiet so as not to annoy grandad and at the same time getting 'advice' from people who are far away just reading about it. I know that it is a choice to have kids and to marry a foreign husband who can't come for the whole two months that she visit NZ, but I for one, love it when she comes home and I have seen first hand that she is a great Mum despite functioning on very little sleep. The last thing she needs right now at a time of high stress and pregnancy tiredness from sharing a room with said children, is comments on what a crap job she is doing. My 1 year old is a great sleeper at home, but when I had to share a room with him on holiday he woke every two hours and yelled at me! The tiredness the next day was awful but luckily my Mum would pack up the kids and whiz them away so I could have an afternoon sleep to catch up.
GW's Devil son is at present pushing all the boundaries as any normal 2 year old does and it is much easier to deal with that in your own home. We have all had the embarrasssing tantrum while out and about or visiting someone. And some kids are more prone to yelling than others. The reason that there is no self-help menu for perfect parenting is that no-one has worked it out yet. I can remember as a child getting a smacked bum and locked in the bedroom for over an hour! I don't think my behaviour was that bad, but obviously Mum had had enough! We were also brought up to be seen and not heard, but the media,government and other do-gooders are taking away many of the mechanisms our parents used. We have been advised to give kids choices - then they think they have them all the time. We are advised to give 1 minute time out for their age- like they can tell the time! I like all mothers try not to yell and scream, but the utter defiance a 3 year-old can muster gets the threat of a smack, and sometimes a follow-up. I think he had three smacks on the bottom last year! Bad parenting 101, and in NZ I could get prosecuted for that.
Everyone is obviously allowed their opinions on this but if you don't like GW method of venting, don't read it and don't put her down, because she has enough going on at the moment to feel guilty about already without strangers adding to it. I am writing this as 'anonymous' because I can't be bothered signing up properly, but my name is Ang and I am 'Granny K Rocks' T-shirt boy's Mum. I love you GW - big hugs!

gaijinwife said...

Thanks Ange :)

And don't worry, the friendly banter is rather entertaining. We still might be down your way next weekend for a breather though. Then may our collective four kids all play up together - hide your plastice cups!!

GRANNY K ROCKS!! said...

Im telling granny k on you nah nah nah!

gaijinwife said...

Ok S - give it a go and see if she understands you ;)

Ps - you might have to relenquish your username if the real Granny K suddenly becomes fluent in English and feels the need to comment :)

Jo Tomooka said...

Dear Annonymous. Just to clarify something. My children can be absolute angels when needed. They always say please and thank you and can sit through a 2 hour funeral without complaining. They sit through conversations with adults without complaining. They are amazing children in that respect. BUT, like all children they also have their bad days and those bad days usually coincide with my bad days which causes a bit of an upset within the family. HOWEVER that is just one day out of about 60. Are you seriously saying that you have never had ONE bad day when your angel children never misbehaved? I don't mean to be rude, but if that is the case then I really question what kind of adults your children will turn into. If you read all the literature available it seems to point to the fact that a rebelious stage in life is a very important stage - of course some of us deal with it differently than others, but most kids (and mothers) come out of it okay in the end.
Please give GW a break. As she said she was only posting about one bad day and needed support rather than an ear bashing!

tj-injapan said...

wow, creating a storm, hey!?

lucky I didn't read this early enough to comment that my day on Friday was exactly like yours - I think it must have been something in the wind (nearly had a freudian slip there when I almost typed "wine"), but then, I realised that I only have one kid, and I am not pregars, and I am back in Japan at "home" now so really, I have NO excuse for spacking out. But, as you know, sometimes it happens.

I think people have different tolerence levels to start with. I had a friend once who saw the very best in every thing - like when she walked into a rotten hotel room in a 3rd world country and said "oh its soooo lovely" despite the fact that it had cockroaches the size of small dogs making themselves at home in the bed, on the couch, everywhere, she could look past that and see the quaintness in the room. So, what is my point? ummm, I don't know (haha sorry for the rambling) . Anyway,I doubt that anyone would have commented just to be nice.... we have so all been (are) there, despite our best intentions I assume.

I have an idea - next time you feel yourself about to blow, take a second and look down to your lovely bling ring, its sure to make everything better.