Sunday, 21 September 2008

Halfwit

This will be long - very long. (say like James Bond)

I am on my second cup of coffee and have Macey sounds on - I've committed murder and I think I've got away... Very appropriate music for eight o'clock on a Sunday morning!

I have, I believe, married a complete fricken halfwit. Is official. Man is so aggrivating and had to use all my resolve to not throw his thermos of wheat tea out the the sliding doors.

Today hub was meant to be

Oops - interlude

Hub and Shou back from crab hunting - have just given crabs some bread. Still think is very cool that they eat it using their claws like hands. Hub has also come over and given me hug and appologised - officially turning him from a halfwit to just a tokidoki (sometimes) twat.

But, to backtrack as to why was halfwit in first place...

Today hub was meant to be weed eating the mountains with local group - one person from each house has to go or, if they can't go, pay fifty dollars. This particular weed eating extraveganza takes place once a year. It is about ten minutes up in the mountains so most people take a packed lunch with them. Hub asked me yesterday if I would make him a lunch for today. I said yes but in return - because he would need to be out of the house by seven forty this morning, could he please get up a bit earlier (when me and the kids do) so that he could keep an eye on one or both of them while I made his lunch. Am not talking about slapping a bit of bread with peanut butter. No, no, no. The art of Japanese lunch box making - something I have yet to master but something I do at least attempt when have to.

Shou and I get up at ten to six and Marina joins us half an hour later. Ten minutes after that Hub comes down. Shou and Marina both have their breakfast and I am feeding Marina hers while Shou races his police car in between his bits of toast. I have made egg roll for hub's lunch and have at least figured out what else will go in it - so just need to sort out and arrange nicely in lunch box.

Hub goes straight to toilet which is all good - can't start nagging him because of morning bowel movement. Following toilet he goes to check on the weed eater - just in case it had weed eated itself out of the truck over night. He then comes back inside and goes to toilet again - still can't nag as not his fault he has weak pelvic floor muscles (do blokes even have a pelvic floor!!) He then gets dressed - still, no nagging as can't exactly go to weed eating extraveganza in pajamas. He then goes to toilet again. Am starting to think he is using laxitives as diet regime. Shoun and Marina are doing fine but the clock is a ticking and I start getting a little bit scratchy. Hub then spends ten minutes deciding on appropriate towel to hang round neck while weed eating. Marina has finished her breakfast so I plonk her on floor. She starts to cry and so I ask Hub to check her nappy while I start his lunch.

He changes her nappy - but for some reason changing her nappy doesn't include doing her domes back up so she starts crawling round and doing a few face plants on floor as she crawles over her un-domed stretch and grow. Nevermind, her nose was too 'high' anyway.

Hub then goes to the toilet again - with the newspaper.

All Hell Breaks Loose.

Here I am, trying to get Shou to eat his breakfast, while chasing Marina and doing up a dome at a time, all while trying to intricately arrange baby hamburgers and fish croquettes into hub's lunch box. Shou is also sauntering round house just in his undies and Lightening McQueen flip flops. I very loudly tell Shou that he can't go crab hunting until he has eaten his breakfast AND HIS FATHER has put some clothes on him as MUMMY IS VERY BUSY MAKING DADDY'S LUNCH.

He finally gets out and christ, let the nagging begin. Hub calls to Granny K to look after Marina while he goes and puts on a different t-shirt. Granny K comes out - looking a bit worried as I have been conversing QUITE LOUDLY for past five minutes. Granny K holds Marina, Shou continues to saunter round in undies and jandles and I tell husband, as I now try to fit egg roll in between hamburger and buttered salmon that I wouldn't be ranting if he could just look after a child for two fricken seconds while I finish his lunch.

rant rant

rant rant

Granny K looking worried.

I throw in 'did she know that HER SON actually goes to pachinko when he says he is working overtime??' A low blow I know but it just bubbled up and exploded out of my mouth before could stop it. She looks more worried as first marriage had issues with pachinko.

Hub declares that he is no longer going to the weed eating. That I am crap nagging wife and he no longer 'feels his heart would be in the weed eating if he went'. Granny K looks shocked - you can't not go. The vestling community is counting on you - my super hero. But no, hub has made up his mind. I tell him to piss off anyway. Piss off is an English word in our house - hub understands it very well. He also knows that the next level up from piss off is 'just fuck right off' - and that wife was very nearly at that level.

He takes Shou and goes crab hunting. Granny K continues to hold Marina because probably doesn't think good idea to release granddaughter while mother is in such state.

Wife puts the finishing touches on the lunch, wraps it up and leaves a not beside it on the counter

'here is your dinner darling'

Bloody egg roll wouldn't fit with the salmon so had to put salmon in with rice.



It has just started lashing rain - as in crazy sideways Japanese rain. Trucks going past house in quick succession - everyone going home from the mountain ween eating!!

4 comments:

Lulu said...

GAH! I am glad he came and gave you a hug and apologized!

Maybe next time you should just tell him to make his own lunch and be done with it!

It is probably good you told granny K about he pachinko- maybe she will have a talk to him about it?! Whether that is a good thing or not I don`t know!

Hope your day gets better (I am still in shock that everyone in the communuity has to go weeding once a year? I wonder if that happens in Chiba? Off to ask Shun!)

illahee said...

*big hugs*

my husband makes his own lunch. and what's up with the fifty bucks?! here if we don't go we pay 1000 yen, and that's pretty much to cover the juice or pocari sweat that we didn't drink. and since they're taking their own lunch, it's not like they're getting a five course up there! geez louize!

today was our weeding day, too, but we have ours twice a year. a friend in shimane had it practically every other weekend, even in winter!! ridiculous! anyway, with the rain we just assumed it's been canceled.

i hope the rest of the day goes smoothly.

Melanie Gray Augustin said...

Before I start, I must say that I have read the later post that you wrote about this one.

Ahh... what a morning. In some strange way, it makes me glad to know that other marriages are like this, you love your partner to death, but boy do they drive you nuts some days.

Rachel said...

I'm only skimming, didn't read it all yet, just HAD to say that my DH also mysteriously never does domes back up on baby clothes!!! Drives me nuts!!!!